The same old feeling

I felt very friday-ish today.
Picked up a harem-pant and short top to go to work.
I usually dont go this casual to work.

My hair is mostly let loose, but for some reason I felt like doing something different.
Put on earring and tied a plait.

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt different too. I felt I was 20 again. A refreshing feeling swept over me

I mostly dont remember how I felt when I was younger, I dont even remember what it felt to be me, a year back

So sometimes I play a game with myself, of role-play
I play my own role, to myself, from some other era
And believe me you, the moment I step into that role, I feel exactly the same
its as good as being in those times again

I felt the same pride in myself, a little coquettish, a little elusive, a little flirty , a little bit of drama-queen

I had a spring in my feet, I tilted my head in that same familiar way

So today, I spoke a little more, laughed and joked a little out of my character, with people around me and saw surprise on their faces

I could smell fragrance of old times around me
I could force pores and nerves of my heart to open up different chords, the ones I hadn't in a long time

I could wire up strings inside me in the wrong-most way, to get the right-most feeling
God lets me play such tricks at times

And all this just cos I felt like feeling it
Its easy to switch back in time, if I decide to.

I thought of picking only the good today
Discarding any vile feeling
I will pick up a smile on the way

On days like these, I will make a life, of my favorite picks

Life outage

Sometimes I dont feel like writing
Cos my best words are always swallowed in my mind, before time

And the moment I begin to write
Its just mediocrity which flows
UN-impressive and UN-inspiring
So I clamp up

This thing, coupled with internet outage at my place has made me write less here
To top it, even at work today there was no network for an hour

I felt crippled for sometime..

It was like I cant do a thing without the net
Strangely for other inconsequential stuff also my mind kept telling me : this cant be done since there is no net
For stuff like going out and getting myself a cup of coffee

I have to be either in front of the system or Tv Or in some transit
To feel life is moving

Else its a shutdown of life.

When we wish others on their success
when we congratulate them
when we feel happy for someone finding true love

we have a tiny wish that a part of their happiness falls on us
we soak ourselves in their gaiety
And hope to steal...
A bit of their flowing happiness
Into ours..

And that makes us happy enough to feel happy for them

Many a times..
We revel in others' moment of glory

Single and Independent

I have been hospital-hopping for the last 2 days. I have visited 3 doctors and 2 hospitals in a span of 2 days.

Its not a survey I am doing, but as usual my stomach. I had to miss my Pondicherry trip cos of this. That trip which I had forced others to plan with me and finally I had to drop out

And whats the consequence of all those blood tests etc ? - "Essentially Normal". As usual, which we found even 2 years back

Its some mysterious undiagnosed thing, which burns me out completely.

And sometimes its conversations with some doctors which ticks me off!

Here is one with one of the doctors I met yesterday:-
"Whats your age"
I tell my age
"Single or married"
I - "Single"
He - "I admire your independence"

Strange isnt it? That a woman of certain age, and single is perceived as independent. As if, its something commendable.

Which age are we still in?

So how about a man who can still be ten years elder than me and a bachelor? Yet no one would say the word "independent" for him. Being single for a man is ordinary and routine thing, but for a woman an achievement?

Men can survive without a woman, but a woman doing it attaches a label to herself "independent","admirable". I find it so funny and hypocritical!

I think a man as much needs a woman, as a woman needs a man

And about the doctor, he was least interested in any of my issues but kept asking me personal questions. When I mentioned that I need medicines for some issue, he would scribble some medicine in the prescription and continue asking me weird questions.

He gave me a big lecture on why I should stop alcohol and he also got into chemical formulae of how alcohol is made!!

Thankfully my cousin was there so he could not continue with his questions but has called me again this Saturday,maybe to discuss my love-life.

I dont think I will go, cos I dont need to learn anything from a man who isnt treating me for my disease but trying to psyche me.

I think I know much better about life than such male doctors who show unnecessary and unethical interest in their female patients.

I read this quote somewhere, is that true?

“She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..”
           ~ Masashi Kishimoto