Here we go again!!

I have been off this dating/flirting thing for a while now

I dont talk much at work..I dont want to be around men
I do my work..and I want to be left alone

But recently..I joined a new project at work
This involved late night conference calls with our US counterparts with 4 of us from India in that team
And I was the only girl (Isnt that the case most of the times?)

So we used to stay back till 11 or later in the night at work
And there is this guy..cute and talkative..

Being the way I am..people tend to maintain their distance from me..and I prefer it this way..
I talk to them..about work..and otherwise..but that's about it..they can not ask much about me though

Now this guy..I dont know whats with him..could not be contained in the limits which I sought for myself

He would generally joke around..also with me..and I usually smile back and dont say much..

On one such day...while the talk was on the conference..we kept taking turns in listening to the call, so 2 people stayed in the room while rest loitered around office.
Once it happened that just the two of us were alone in the room
So he turns around and asks me very nonchalantly.."Are you married?"
I was a little taken aback..being off such games, I felt I was at a loss of words..and the inclination as well
But replied with as much nonchalance as possible..while smirking inside :P

Sometimes he would just turn around and stare at me, so point blank that I wonder if he even understands what he is doing!

At times he breaks into this song "Aisi uljhi najar unse hatati nahin..", staring at me all the while.. and I cant help but smile inside..while keeping a totally dumb face on the front

He must be 26-27 and I feel like calling him a "kiddo" but I dont..for the fear of offending him

The thing is..he seems to be a very guileless guy..the kind of person I would not hesitate in saying a hi..an open face with a casual attitude..which makes me feel free with him...

But if you know me..you know how many layers I have formed on top of me..so the most I can do is smile back when he smiles at me in the pantry while we stand for a cup of coffee :)

Wish there was a serum for happiness , which one could inject..just like any other drug..

Bas ek chup si lagi hai

I learnt how to add music to my blogspot Yay!

I also learnt how to cut a portion of your mp3 file Yay yay!!

So to celebrate these 2 wins of the day..I am posting one of my most favorite songs here..needless to say it depicts my mood most of the times

And I can bet, there is noone like Lata..
Her lilting voice, this purtiy in her expression, beauty of loneliness...is breathtaking

बस एक चुप सी लगी ,
नहीं उदास नहीं ... बस एक चुप सी लगी है

कोई अनोखी नहीं ऐसी जिंदगी लेकिन, खूब न हो
मिली जो खूब मिली है...

सहर भी, ये रात भी, दोपहर भी मिली लेकिन.... हमी ने शाम चुनी है :)

So guys, enjoy it if you like it!

I had thought I had lost this ability to feel hurt, raw hurt which makes one cry

But I guess I have not, today it does hurt the same old way..and I love the familiarity of it

I want to sit back and cry, and ask questions to people who will never have any answers

I want to shut that portion of my brain, which feels this way right now

I loved you

Cos you made me love myself, with much fervor
And I cant love anything, which does not let me fall in love with myself

I loved you
Cos you made me believe
I existed beyond the mundane
That magic could happen to me

And love could happen to me

I am sorry it did not last
I am sorry we did not bond
Beyond the charade of humanity

But I beg...

Find a heart which breathes for you
Find a passion, which rekindles you!

Worst of the Khan lot!

Off late I have grown this immense dislike for Salman Khan.

To describe in nutshell, he is a woman-beater, revered by many
He is a drunk driver killing people, still moving Scot-free

And now he is trying so hard to clear his image
Just recently I saw him posing for some charity function

God, these Page-3 people and their lives!!
But for God's sake, why are we ordinary mortals tortured by such exhibitions?

I mean, do you think we are fools to forget all the past deeds?

From Sangeeta Bijlani, to Somi Ali, to Aishwarya Rai..he has beaten up all his ladies
He has killed six sleeping poor people on footpath, by his drunken driving

He drips of arrogance and bad temper, whenever I see him on TV, in some reality show or a mere bollywood news

And then this jerk of a human being, is shown helping poor, working for kids?

To top it all, he isnt worth anything, even as an actor..

Guess he scores just on looks, even that he has lost most of it over time, compared to his contemporaries like Aamir and Shahrukh

I am ashamed to think of my mini-obsession with Maine pyaar kiya and the man, when I was a stupid teenager!

Football

Ok, so this is actually not a post on FIFA or anything to do with football.
This is a post more about my father.

I have a father who stays awake till 2.30 in the night to watch any sports, and then wakes up at 6 AM, to watch the highlights..and here I am, with not even 5% of interest in any sports.

Though when I was still in college and used to stay with my parents, we all were avid watchers of cricket, even lawn tennis.
Because of him I had learnt the rules of the game and jargon like "deuce" and "advantage".
I had actually started liking the game, maybe cos of his passion and interest (and an equal interest in telling us about it and of all possible ratings of players).

He used to have a big blow-up of Gabriela Sabatini in his room, and he felt that this stunning player resembled me :)

So on Sunday, he called up and was talking to Ma, and here is how the conversation went:

[I over hear Ma saying something about foot ball so I ask her to inquire as to who won]

Ma - "So who won the cup?"
Papa - "What?? The match hasn't started as yet!"
Ma - "Wasn't it supposed to be at 12 in the afternoon?"
Papa - "तुमलोग सबसे बड़े ढक हो... 12 बजे रात को है मैच " (you guys are the biggest dimwits, match starts at 12 in the night)
Ma - "आप हैं ढक" :D (You are a dimwit!)

And we laugh away to glory as he expresses his irritation over our lack of knowledge and interest!

Grief!

A friend and colleague's mom expired a couple of days back.
This same girl I mentioned in my earlier post, who laughed at my sunglasses in front of the monitor.

You don't even know but in how many ways you get attached to people around you. I never gave a thought to her, apart from work area. I dint know I would start thinking of her pain and relate myself with it.
My mind surely goes nuts when its about mothers, anyone's mother to say.

I found myself wondering if I will see the same happiness in her again, if she will again tease me or laugh the way she did earlier...cos this is one loss I cant dare to think

I visited her place, a day after this tragedy and was scared to face the situation.
I imagined her to be a total wreck, and thought she might not even want to see me or anyone for sometime. I was having such wired thoughts all this while. I hoped she is strong enough to bear this but at the same time somewhere in my mind I wanted her to break down..

Cos I believe mothers are worth all the heart-break...if a daughter/son does not lose it all, does not break down if a mother is lost, then what was that mother's worth in this world?
I feel all of us humans should leave behidnd someone, who grieves for us in a way which noone else can, whose heart bears a void for sometime, who loses sanity for a few days over us..
I think all humans deserve such a person in life..

When I met her she seemed quite normal, I even saw her laughing at something, and discussing the fatal day with details..
"It was a flat line for more than 3 minutes and docs say if the heart beat is missing for more than 3 minutes, that person's brain is dead"
"They could bring back the heart beat but she dint gain consciousness for 45 minutes..so we decided to pull the ventilator she was on"
She was giving these details with non-chalance, and I thought that when someone's is too hurt, they take refuge in such blase talks, in the details of "how"..cos they dont want to deal with the "what"..
They decided to pull the plug cos even if she was alive, she would have been brain-dead.
I can not even think of what my mind thought, I can not even pen it down...

But I could just imagine her looking at her mom while she was on ventilator, thinking this is the last time I see her breathing, this is the last time I see this woman's face..
I dont know how one deals with this...

As I am very poor in my communicative skills, when it comes to such situation, I just stared at her, at the room, at people who were chatting and laughing around and came back to think of more dreadful things...

I wish I had a boyfriend who was either a carpenter, an electrician or a plumber! Life would have been so easy then...just a thought..