Driving or Dancing??!!

These days I started learning driving and I am at a total loss...

First of all, why in India have they made it so difficult to handle a car..coupled with horrible traffic and mad sense of direction?

The trainer tells me "Madam, press the clutch, put it on 1st gear and then release the gear slowwwllly...!"..
I try and the car halts...he smiles "You will fail Madam, you have to make it real slooww..try again"..and I hold my breath and try to release as slow as I can..
And my mind wonders...by the time I release it..someone will come from behind and bang the car..
He keeps telling me"Keep your feet on brakes and clutch always..change to 2nd gear at crossing..accelrate and then change gear.." OH GOD!

All this reminds me of my dance class, where a lot of precision was required...the movement of hands..the degree at which it should rise and synchronize it with footwork..

But the trainer also tells me "App aur madam logon se better drive karti hain"..this gives me some confidence..

I asked my brother in law if he learnt it from a trainer..he said he learnt it just like that...by driving with his brothers and then on his own..
I really think its a great deal for people to handle a car in India..he says a woman should buy an automatic car..manual one is not their cup of tea..hunh..my foot!I will drive..even if I break my car..but I have to conquer this road

All the best to me!

Things are fine

Everything will be fine...everything gets sorted out
this emptiness I feel today..will be filled with warmth soon
But until then..
Let me be grumpy..let me recoil
let me stare at the monitor..with my mind elsewhere
dont ask me questions..dont tell me what is good for me
Cos I know whats good for me right now..is to be this way

There is this longing and there is this ache
There's this place in me where memories rest

Its amazing how some people can turn their face into walls
How to take their heart..and turn it off
And amazing how I turn my head into a heart
And lose it all

To blog or not to!

Sometimes I wonder if its a good idea to blog..cos any tom, dick and harry can come and see what you write..comment on your inner feelings, which are sacred to you..judge you by their limited scope
Is it worth it to let yourself out in the open..for anybody to comment..who does not even understand the essence of you?
But then..whats my essence..and how can anyone who doesnt understand it, can violate it?
S/he can just see what I write..comment on that with his/her own perspective...
Does that touch my soul..does that invoke any feeling...does that make me ponder over anything?
I wish there were more eclectic peopke reading this blog..who would tell me if I were good or bad..or if I wrote anything of consequence...
The others...I can just omit..as I omit them from my life..

You deserved the best

Dint you always think.."I deserve the best"
The best school, the best college, the best friends and the best man
But sometimes life doesnt give you the best
Takes away little by little..to tell you..do not be too proud of what you are
Do not squander away what you have

But you did not pay heed..
you thought you have a non repleting treaure of everything
And even when you meet some frogs..your prince would come eventually

But the frogs kept coming, and you kept thinking..
"This is not my end,but just means to achiever the end"
And when there was no light at the end of the tunnel
You tried to make a frog into a prince

That never happened
Frog remained a frog, oblivious of being a frog
And you remanied a princess, with a frog

Now what should you do
Be a frog with a frog..or be a princess and leave the frog
Or the last option is, be a princess and still have the frog..to make you feel like a princess forever !!

We all need a good cry

That half full sentence..with a hint of love..yet shows disconcern
That half complete gesture, which wants to end in an embrace,

but seems to push aside
That sullen tone, which says..you are not part of my world
That undercurrent flowing in the vaccum which engulfs us..

Why have we become so? Why cant we show the love thats there within? Is it that when one feels a lot, one tends to show as little?

Years and ages ago..there was so much of innocence in us
The heart cried when it wanted ....and laughed with abandon
Deviced jokes to tell each other...narrated stories of the outer

and the within

Days and years went by, touching us..but never our souls

So why now this indifference?
why are the sentences laden with some hidden meanings?
And we stop in between, to let not the other person know it
But in an attempt to hide, we reveal more..

why do we bother about the money spent and how and on whom?
why do we want our own space, with our set of rules, never letting anyone close?

Have the years taught us to be what we are not and never wanted to be?

Dont you want to just pull my cheeks as you used to?
Hug me and feel the warmth spread across...as much as I do?

I know that part of me is still there..which was alive..which wanted the world
And I know you are the same
But in just brief moments, unknowingly, we become what we actually are

Maybe we need to think of us, eons ago
Maybe we need to call each others names more often..
Maybe I need to be..what I am right now while I write this
Maybe we need a good cry..

Dreams

Dreams are meant..to be told, not to be lived
To be shared with someone
who, you know, will see your dreams in the same form as they exist in your eyes
Who will know the pain and melancholy of moments captured in your heart,
You can see them taking a shape in the other person's eyes
Who will add colours to them, by relating to your unborn dreams
Then you feel as if you lived those dreams, by being with that one person
And sing all the songs unsung
As he knows all the words, even without you telling him

Have we forgotten the art of talking?

With due respect to all TV viewers and video games freaks..I somehow hate you all !
For you, the box in front of you has become the world and people around you are not worthy of any attention..
Now a days, relationships seem to be changing, the way people interact has changed so much

I remember my childhood, adoloscence and early youth..we were 3 sisters and 1 borther..and apart from studies, all we did was talk to each other..about any and everything under the sun
I still remember how early in the mornings we used to sit with a cup of tea in out terrace garden, with our father and talk about life, people, politics, science, family...

My mom would get angry for wasting early hours in the morning on talking...but in vain..
My father is an avid reader with a varied taste, from fiction to books on black hole...he has tremendous interest in anything which stimulates his intellect...we have got just a bit of it in us..wish we had more of that part of his in us(and less of the eccentric part :))
So sometimes we would all sit and he would read out some excerpt from any good novel he would be reading at that time..be it "Brothers Karmazov" by Dostovyesky or any scientific truth by Stephen hawking...
I guess these early years and such interactions had a lot of effect on me. .I always thought that people are together cos they want to share their thoughts, feelings and trivia..
Togetherness meant that for me..and in any relationship, thats what I craved for most

And now..talking is a thing one does when there is no electricity, when one cant watch TV or play video games..or when it is absolutley necesary..
I come home to the sound of keyboards clattering, surfing on the net, TV playing something in the background...
I wish someone would stop all this it and take a look at me, sit with me with a cup of tea, hum a song as the evening sets..
And even if we dont talk and there is nothing to say...I would love it if that annoying sound of technology is not blasting my brains

I dont have anything against TV shows, but somehow it has succeeded in changing mindsets of people who watch it, and it has made them depend on TV for everything..

TV is good to fight lonelienss...but it should not be there to make people lonelier..

Where are those people who used to have fun in just conversing, bantering, gossiping..As we grow do we become stoic?As if we can not or do not want to talk about anything?Don't we have any ideas we want to share or any feeling we want to dissect?Is all that needs to be spoken already over?

My wonderings and wanderings are yet to be answered.