The journey begins again

Why do people stop blogging? The ones who loved doing it once.

I fail to answer, as I am one of them.

And to top it, I think of it everyday. I scribble things and then read it and find it trash and never get to publish. Its like my writing has not ripened enough to be shown to the world.

What stops the flow of eccentric enthusiasm which brimmed earlier? Is it that you have become stale and can not conjure enough novelty? Or is it because you are bored of it? Or is it because you are not sad and yearning for something, which stops you from being dramatic in your writing? Or that you are too busy (most lame excuse, noone is ever too busy to do something they love)? Or is it cos you are too happy in your world that the blog world does not hold any meaning to you anymore?

I dont think its any of that! I think its more of the inertia of things which gets to you, once you get into the motion of not writing. But you keep thinking, I will get back to it with a bang.

I have things to say, share, create. I have too many drafts to publish.

So I have made a pledge, I will write at least once a week. Be it a line, or share a song, or any bullshit.

But I wont stop it to get into that inertia.

My blog has been my shiniest spot in life for over 7 years now, and I can not let go of that.

Not for anything new in life, not for any sorrow or for any joy.

So I hope someone is still looking at this corner of mine, someone is still interested in hearing what I have to say.

And say I will, about me, about things around me.

The journey begins again...

Life outage

Sometimes I dont feel like writing
Cos my best words are always swallowed in my mind, before time

And the moment I begin to write
Its just mediocrity which flows
UN-impressive and UN-inspiring
So I clamp up

This thing, coupled with internet outage at my place has made me write less here
To top it, even at work today there was no network for an hour

I felt crippled for sometime..

It was like I cant do a thing without the net
Strangely for other inconsequential stuff also my mind kept telling me : this cant be done since there is no net
For stuff like going out and getting myself a cup of coffee

I have to be either in front of the system or Tv Or in some transit
To feel life is moving

Else its a shutdown of life.

A reason to write

I was telling someone today that I should stop writing on this blog for a while, cos at times I just write for nothing.
I write cos I feel suffocated by people around me, and this is my refuge.Which is not good.

But while on my way to work I crossed a car, there was a young guy driving it.
He was alone, must be having some music running in his car, cos he was tapping his fingers on the wheel and I could sense he was humming along.
I wanted to bend down a little to see his face, cos this picture amused me. The idea of someone having fun, without anyone's company, specially enjoying music, appeals to me.

Then in the auto next to mine there was a bong girl, yapping away on phone in Bengali. I understand Bengali a little so I could grasp that she was talking to a friend about fashion and how she wants to buy this and that. Bengali is such a sweet language, all round and pretty. Makes the conversation even more interesting.
I wanted to crane my neck to see her face, cos he voice sounded so energetic and full of life.

There was another young woman stuck in the traffic jam, like all of us.
She had her hands-free on and was talking to someone. I guess she was talking to her lover (leman in french, just learnt this word today).
        The look on her face, of knowing someone new and basking in fresh love. The blush and a soft smile. I could imagine I must have had the same look on my face, in some era.
The sweet vulnerable madness!

So I decided, I wont abandon this blog. If a traffic jam can offer me such delightful sights, there is so much in life to look forward to and write about.

I have been having this feeling off-late that I have let out too much of information about me on this blog.

I have left it open for people to read between lines, misinterpret and have their own deductions about what I write.

Specially for people who know me, read much more worse than the strangers would and judge me based on their interpretations

Sometimes questioning me on what I write, who I wrote this for, and so on

So I felt if I should shut my trap about stuff which the world seems to take in their own way (the world doesn't matter as such, its just the people close or had been close who do).

But another part in me says that this is my place, my corner.
I will let the world hamper my space only as much as it deserves
The more I let them enter my world, the more they exercise a power over me

Cos in my mind, I write what I feel like, not by wrong or right

This has been a decision I have been contemplating on, and the other side of me is the one which dominates.
So I don't think I will stop!

Just like that

I used to think writing is one thing I can do whenever I feel like..when I am down, writing my diary gave me solace, when I was happy my diary gave me companionship in joy.
But now, I just dont seem to think of writing. My diary lies abandoned long back, I thought I might use this blog to give way to my feelings. But even that is seldom.

Wondering what the reason could be? Lost interest in writing, or generally lost interest in anything worthwhile?

Maybe lost the belief that there is beauty in everything..
I guess this is a phase...and this shall pass too :)

To blog or not to!

Sometimes I wonder if its a good idea to blog..cos any tom, dick and harry can come and see what you write..comment on your inner feelings, which are sacred to you..judge you by their limited scope
Is it worth it to let yourself out in the open..for anybody to comment..who does not even understand the essence of you?
But then..whats my essence..and how can anyone who doesnt understand it, can violate it?
S/he can just see what I write..comment on that with his/her own perspective...
Does that touch my soul..does that invoke any feeling...does that make me ponder over anything?
I wish there were more eclectic peopke reading this blog..who would tell me if I were good or bad..or if I wrote anything of consequence...
The others...I can just omit..as I omit them from my life..