Morality Vs Sensuality

We have divided ourselves in 3 parts - heart, mind and body. They refuse to be in tandem, for lesser mortals like me

And the body takes the last precedence for most of us, who allow our heart and mind to bog us down

Are we killing our sensuality in the name of morality?

I am sure the way I am thinking right now, I wont be able to think like this again..cos mind keeps fluctuating from right to wrong, from good to bad

Yes, right now I think we shackle our real selves by this thing called morality

Its not a societal thing, its not even related to our culture, or upbringing
Its something so deeply ingrained in us, that we have come to believe in so many things, which sometimes takes us away from ourselves

This is more contextual to we Indian women though..

Were we supposed to be like this always? Did God create us like this?

Am sure God did not think much when s/he created humans, we were supposed to be free spirits

Sometimes the weight of "forever" love, "one man-woman" thing interferes with our natural self and makes us forget what it is to discover the viler side(if it may be called so) of us

Do we realize we are made of cells, molecules and elements which we dint decide upon? That they act on their own will at times and we either obey them or be caught in the whirlwind of guilt and longing?

Can we lose control..can we let go of our obsession with being-in-control?
Even if we do, and when we do..we still have our caps.
We are still bound by notions of control,our limits..the extent to which we can stoop

Can we ever come to terms with our losing control and understand that it can be exquisite?

Why cant we treat our sensuality like a merit, a virtue? As something which we need to protect and nurture? Like we are taught to be good to others, speak truth always, why aren't we taught to respect this beauty within us? If speaking truth is right, why is addressing this part of us a taboo? Are we being truthful if we pretend that we are never amorous?

My sisters who are so happily married, and surely in love with the same person for so many years, would probably scorn at me for having such thoughts, but I really want to know

I am not talking about infidelity, or hurting someone

But just that at times, too much sense of right or wrong makes us all wrong for our own selves..for our sensibilities

We withhold, we stop..we wither away..

The chord thats relationship

Relationships are like a chord
A tenacious chord, between two people

One end tied to me and the other to you

Between 2 sisters
Between 2 friends
Between 2 lovers
And even between parents and children

Both sides try to pull it towards themselves
But neither of us can pull it beyond a point, lest it breaks

We need to reach an equilibrium, where both can hold the reins
And the right tenacity is maintained

You need to realize when the thread is pulled too hard on either side..
-Whether you are pulled too much and leaning into the other person
-Or if you have pulled it too much and the other is leaning into you

Neither is a healthy situation
For you or for the other party

So each has to let loose a little
And hold back a little
To maintain the right tension in the chords
Which makes the correct music

And all that circus is necessary, only if you care for the relationship enough
Else its better broken than saved.

Analysing skills

Those of you who have not yet seen this ad, take a look to understand the context of this conversation..




Me and my cousin were lazily lying on sofa, with tea in our hands and staring at tv mindlessly, hardly aware of what we were watching, when this ad pops up

This starts off our mind and this intellectual conversation:

I - "This ad irks me to no end, for some reason"

She - "I hate this guy, and his smile with chocolate stuffed in his mouth'

I - "Oh I hate them both! What the hell are they trying to show?Do they think its cute?"

She - "Besharm ladka hai(Shameless guy that kiddo)! He is being introduced to the girl's father and look at his insolence and disrespect, to smile like that!! With chocolate smeared all over his mouth!"

I - "Jab khud ka hi sikka khota ho to ladke ki kya galti hai(If you own daughter does not care, why blame the guy)? She should be the one bothering about loafing around with that guy on stair case when her father crosses them. If she does not give due respect, why would the guy bother a bit? This ad is endorsing wrong values. Will give wrong ideas to teenagers"

By the time I finished my statement, I started laughing and we both collapsed. At the seriousness of our tone, on this harmlessness ad

We women have the capacity to dissect every innocuous thing, and tear it to shreds
Also, we invariably find a reason to blame our own gender(though in this context this blame was not ill placed :)

But seriously, that ad is done in a very bad taste. Later when I searched for this ad on you tube, I found similar comments from others

तुमसे मिली जो जिंदगी..हमने अभी बोई नहीं

This life that I got from you
I have not yet sown it..


I read a lot of blogs, its like an addiction. Mostly the dark ones, which talk of love..unrequited love, love shared and lost, love losing its sheen
But this is not about those blogs, but is about the strange disconnect I feel when I read such blogs.Where people talk about that one bright star, that one person they loved and lost..its this disconnect which attracts me to such blogs I guess

And I am left thinking about myself.
When I close my eyes, there isn't that ONE face which comes to my mind, there is no one love which torments me day and night
Why isn't there a name which whispers in my ears..sweet nothings?
I feel little belittled, I feel envious of those people who have that fire in their hearts to love someone

And I feel the burden of not having loved enough to have a hole in the heart which does not heal...
Am I stoic? Hard heart-ed? Frivolous?

I have never had an intense longing in my heart for someone for a long time...
When I had, it was as intense as intense can be, but when I lost it..I never looked back

But I have loved, I have loved as love is meant to be..with every atom of my being
In each of you whom I love, I have loved myself even more fiercely
You, the ones I loved, are the testimony of all my notions of love

Maybe I have loved those frozen moments
And longed for those moments to keep appearing in my life, in succession like a chain of beginnings, with the same person, again and again

But beginnings end, and end happens

Sometimes I feel I could replace all my days and night, for that edgy heady feeling, which never lasts

But yes I have loved you, you who pulled me away from my mundane life..

You are that flicker of romance, I saw on beaches
And always imagined and wished for
And you fulfilled my prophecy
Of living a romance, as wild as ours

And you, who lifted me up and I was always aware of the lurking desire in you to pull me down
You were the deepest and darkest of my nightmares
you are all that torments me
you are all that takes it away

You, who was always telling me what I was,who tried deciphering me like an ancient scripture, things I never saw in myself, you saw
In you I saw the mystery that's me
A glimpse of it, scared I was
but I loved myself even more

I remember you too, for those small bouts of mirth and days laden with sweet talks

I can smell wine, when I see you from afar
The beauty of alcohol and inebriation
Is what you bring back to me

You were the one with whom I could drop my head and say, I dont want to be strong anymore
all that the world gives me
I offload it to you..you take away all of it
And I can see my pain dissipating in the air..
As my words fill you..and your lips touch mine


How could I forget you, who remembers me as his own ?

You were that painter who drew me in details
From arch of my heels to the mole on my finger
Sometimes I believe I existed more in your sketch and detailing of me
Than outside of it

Yes, I have loved

I have not loved to fill in the blanks of my life
I have loved cos you deserved it, and so did I

I too have lost myself for a while, broken and battered
I too have gone around the circles, but eventually I have found my center, within me

But how could I let any of you break me,
When I loved you with the very spirit thats me?
This spirit in me, which existed before you happened
And continues to live inside me?

I wonder if there is too much of life in my veins,
An overpowering tide
Which crushes and surpasses all of you and me too

Love is a curse, only if you let it be

I wake up with a wish to see new places, to read great books,
watch good movies and party hard

I tried being melancholic, to ascertain that I have been hurt and wronged
That I have loved and lost,
Thinking all these are the sure shot signs of being an elegant woman

But one Friday night and hopes of a rocking weekend takes its toll
And I am again wanting to be a part of the world

I am the world

I have been happy, very happy
I have been sad, very sad
Its time to live the moderates now

And the phoenix resurrects

सारा दिन गजलें पिरोना , रात भर आवारगी
फट गया दामन तो क्या है, सादा दिल है सादगी
ना दिलासा चाहा दिल ने , ना वफादारी का सिलसिला

The whole day I weave romance
The whole night I roam around like vagabond
My heart neither wants sympathy, nor a series of faithfulness

To all those who can be-dazzle

"He said that I be-dazzled him. He could not think straight in my presence"

"How can someone be enamored by you?" - He sneered

She recoiled at his usual disgust for anyone who appreciated her

"Its cos he sees me, the way world can not..the way you could never"

"There is nothing much to see or discover. I was never overwhelmed by you"..oh damn his nonchalant tone, which he usually acquires when he is most threatened

"I overwhelm those who I wish to."
Will a cockroach ever admire intricacies of a human brain? - She bemused!

She felt sad for spending long years with a person who never saw her, she felt sad for not knowing what she had settled for..for so long

How could a person, blinded by his own inadequacies, make her feel cherished?
How could she find love in a person who was not fit enough to love even himself?
What is it she searched for in him...when he himself dint know his path?



They say I am proud, too proud
Does my pride offend them?
They want to kill my pride, in order for them to be alive?

They say I am either silent or loud, too silent or too loud
"Too" for whom? "Too" by whose standards?

All this, when I never even asked them for an opinion, in the first place

"What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care.” – William blake

You can afford to have an attitude..
...Only if you have some spunk

Flamboyance on a fool,
makes him all the more unattractive