Man,Woman and Sports

Why do men make it such a grand show about sports?
Why is it such a great thing to be drowned in any kind of sports, than to watch a stupid(As per them) soap or reality show?

Does watching sports make you a Sachin or a Nadal?
NO! You are just getting a vicarious pleasure out of watching something you could not do..or someone you could not become
You probably try to regale in some cherished and much coveted moments of fame, which you never lived..

Why is it that your love of sports has to be applauded and is considered manly..and women's love for movies/chatting/soaps/songs is considered as stupid/un-important and a wash out

So much so that poor women try to feign interest in sports, just to feel one with the men around..they try to exhibit immense interest and take pride in following cricket/tennis or anything which makes them valuable or interesting to men(I know some women who just read up the sports section in newspaper to just show how much they know, without any genuine interest)

Whats with all this sports thing? A bat hitting a ball, or a racket hitting a ball or a human hitting a ball..in the end it boils down to just balls!

I have no qualms in saying that sports does not interest me or possess me. As a teenager I used to watch a lot of it at home, which was primarily because of my father's passion. His child like interest in telling us everything about things he knows, teaching us the rules of various games like tennis, cricket and chess (half of his time is spent now on playing on-line chess), that we had grown fond of it.

But after being on my own I realised I would not switch on ten-sports just cos some vague match between some vague teams is happening. My interests lie more in reading, dancing and writing. And I don't see any one's interest in anything, a parameter of that person's qualities.

I find somone interesting cos of many things apart from these. Even a very well-read person can be a big bore, and vice verse.

Recently I read in some blogs about something called "gender-prototype". It was a post where all women bloggers were having a take on how they do things which makes them less of a woman and more of a man. Some of them were outrageous and irritating to the core.

Anything cant qualify as a "men-special" or "women-special"..and there is no pride in anything bratti-sh, like : - Not knowing how to cook(Though I am not practically great at it but I see it more of a handicap than anything to boast of)

Have you ever read about a man boasting of how he qualifies for gender-prototype and
is so much a woman at heart? I have not!

Concoction of negations

Am I wanted only as much as I dont want things?
Am I desired only as much as another desires me?

Is my value determined by the non-value I attach to things..
Is my avoidance more charming than acceptance
Is my diligence sign of weakness?
Is my indifference more beautiful than my obsession?

So, if I want something so badly that I make a fool of myself
That I pick up myself each time I fall and stretch my hands to grab it again..
Makes me less beautiful, less desirable?

Is my worth only in a concoction of negations?

The body is a house of many windows: there we all sit, showing ourselves and crying on the passers-by to come and love us.
                                                                 - Robert Louis Stevenson

Bored!

What do you do when life gets so boring that even boredom might run away from you?

Mundane is what I run away from and mundane is what catches me each time!

These days are so lame and boring that boredom might give me a high now!

So the question is what do you do?

This is what I did :

1. Have been humming this song for a while now, I love the first few lines which are in Punjabi "Naina lagiyan baarishan te sukhe sukhe spne vi pijj gaye", which means if someone catches your fancy, then even the dry dreams get drenched.

So today I heard it umpteen times and practiced it in my office rest room. Like really really practiced! And I am on my way to perfection now.

2. Saw all promos, interviews of "Yeh saali jindagi" since I think Chitrangada singh is one hell of a gorgeous woman. I think in current bollywood, she is better looking than any main stream actress. Though people speak much about her talent which I think is quite OK. Just being in off-beat movies gives you that edge over others and you get this tag of being talented.

3.Saw Madhuri's performance on the opening of "Jhalak Dikhla ja" and am gonna practice her dance moves in the evening at home, since rest room is too small a place for such things.

Born strong

When we are born, we are born as this single person
With this strong central thing within us, where revolves all are being

This dogmatic belief in ourselves and our so-called value system
Which gives us the pride in us and the confidence

Thats where our notion of "me" comes from
Thats where statements like , "I love this" and "I hate this" come from
We carry our own persona like a halo around us, telling people this is what we are
We believe we have a set of principles and we are unique

And as we grow, this single solid thing starts crumbling
Cos sometimes what we are and what we believe does not seem to hold meaning to ourselves

We change and justify this change is us, our ideals change as per our convenience

Nothing we believe as true, seems to be so

And this losing of that central thing shakes our confidence..we seem to go away from our anchor

Our voice starts shaking when we try to affirm what we used to think we believed in..our perceptions of things and people are gone haywire

We dont know what to believe..in us or the fragments which has became us

Things we stood by, we defy it ourselves
People we loved and admired , fade and become this "nothing" and void..their charisma is gone

We do things which we would have condemned earlier and we give reasons and justifications for our own mis-conducts

And we stop believing, in ourselves..and in turn in people around us

Sometimes I crave for that central thing in me to come back. Even if it makes me this loathsome rigid person who judgs people by her standards, but I just want to be how I began it all!

My Oasis

Sometimes in the middle of the chaos within my heart
Amidst barren deserts..

I find my oasis...
This little cocoon in my heart

Which puts me at rest and tells me
       "Life will sort itself..you just go on living!"

And everything falls in place..and all the chains are gone
There is freedom of spirit..there is freedom of choice..

Even if for a short while..

In the mind of a married man

We all know men like to hunt and women like to nest.

But then, how long can one hunt..isnt their a time to nest and rest?
Maybe not for men (and no man is an exception here, even if some men dont do it outright, each one of them strays in their minds..and women have to just deal with it)

The ones who marry young, are worse than the ones who marry late
Thats cos these men have not had their share of women in their lives (its very important for them to have more than one woman in their lifetime), and they feel caged and suffocated, once the tag of "married" is stuck on them

They look at the easiest and the meekest possible reason to stray

The trigger for such thoughts today is this married friend of mine, whom I re-connected after a gap of 10 years and have broken the connection once again

Its strange to think that this guy was someone I had a small "something" with..
Well it wasnt much. He was my junior in college, and we hit it off really well.

There was always this under-current of attraction in our friendship..the long distance calls and the late night talks et al.
He used to say things I could have grabbed and built on it..but I have always been this non-committal sort..there is always this "fear of finality" in my mind

He was a smooth talker, and I enjoyed talking to him.But when he actually came close to proposing me,I retracted.I denied that I felt anything more than friendship, though those days I thought of nothing but him.

And now when I think back, it must have been pre-monition of some sort
In the heart of my heart I must have known that this is not what will work for me, though at that time I really went thru a phase of immense longing for something I could have had, but chose not to

So after 10 years, I looked him up on FB and in the very 1st go found the right person by his name.(But trust me on this, that all my earlier feelings were totally non-existent).
He was married and so much in love(thats what he boasted of)

We started messaging and chatting and since both of us were in the US at that time, he asked for my number and we spoke a couple of times

But then the tone of the calls started getting more than friendly , and as much as I tried to avoid his flirtatious comments, they kept flowing

"I was reminded of you when I saw Genelia in 'Jaane tu ya jaane na'..her eyes and her smile"
- "Yeah many told me this" (Phew!! avoided this!)
"Do you recall that train journey we had together, do you remember those songs we sung?"
- "Yeah..so tell me how you met A(his wife)" - (Come on..stop this playing around with me..I thought I knew you better..please dont make me lose respect in you)
All this while he was all the time harping about how his wife is so precious to him.

I think men think of us women as fools, who would be impressed by the fact that you love your wife, at the same time would fall for all these compliments you shower on us. I could have very easily snapped the conversation and given this person a piece of my mind, had it not been for the past connection. Your past and youth has such an effect on you.

So While we were on this chatting-flirting-avoiding business, I noticed for a period of 2-3 days that he was no longer available on chat. It struck as little weird to me , as I used to see him online daily.So sent him a mail asking if something is wrong. And his reply was a total shock to me -
               - "I blocked you on chat since I realised my wife has my Gmail password. If she gets to see our chat she will not like it. I cant afford to lose her"
               - I sat stunned for sometime after reading this. So while you were writing me all that,you were fully aware of what you were doing..right?? You knew you could fool anyone with this lame explanation that this is just "friendly" or "harmless flirting" kind of chat, but in the heart of your heart you knew the truth. And to top it all, there was an added phrase (to make me feel good maybe)
               - -"You know there is this think about you which makes me feel sometimes that you are too dangerous for me..and sometimes I feel this is the most right thing to do..I cant decide"..

Huh!!! Where did such statements come from? I mean, we were friends and even though we were both in the US, I dint even have any intentions of meeting him. Where was this danger thing coming from?

Well, sorry to say such deliciously complimenting statements dont do a thing to me anymore(sadly they used to sometime), those statements bordering on dark love have lost all its charm for me
Now nothing less than sheer genuineness works on me (which is to say that there is no chance of anything working on me cos genuineness is the last thing a man can afford)

Well men, if you think you can have your cake and eat it too..if you think such statement are enough to sail in 2 boats..sorry to disappoint..not with women like me

I am past all that!

I realised that I had made him into this larger than life person, and all the flavors I added to his persona in my mind, all the glamour/romance/fun I attached with him, all the grandeur of his being was my doing (not his).And in one moment all this was shrivelled to a minuscule dot, all the spice was gone.
He could have been this street-side romeo for me now,who leches at every other woman.

And so I decided that our friendship is not his beck and call and removed him from FB telling him not to contact me ever. And it dint feel bad while doing this. Just a feeling of "good riddance"!

Its amazing how some men fall in and our of love, as if its a ride!
How their passion is so flimsy that it just needs marriage and familiarity to disappear in thin air.

And its not like they are madly in love with this other woman. She is someone who captures their fancy for a short while. They will never leave the comfort of their wives, to dive into anything serious. Cos they have to retain the social status as well as have some fun

So tell me boy(I refuse to call such men, men), wasn't she the person you have buzzed around like a bee..this person you have showed-off like a prized possession, eliciting envy from friends and foes..this person you have waited on, cried for, and hoped against hope that she accepts your proposal, when you surprise her one evening with a ring or anything you thought as the best way to woo the best lady in town?

And when this lady graciously accepts it, pinning all her dreams and hopes on you..thinking you are her answer to all the prayers,and makes you her world, she becomes a passe, doesn't she?

She is no longer a thing to covet.

Wasn't your love all so driven by your insecurities rather than her as a person? If not, how could it die?

All those things you would have given up in your life, to make it work with her, become more important to you than loving her and being that one person to her who craves for her like nobody else?

Her beauty, her charm, that twinkle in her eyes, that song in her heart..you take it all away..with your indifference, with your eyes leaving her to stare at other women..women who mean nothing to you..should mean nothing..you start spending more time with them, you start appreciating everything about them
When was the last time you told her "You look beautiful today"?

You like to discuss your favorite song with every other woman you meet, you write your Fb/chat statuses to impress all and sundry, you like to say the flirt-iest of things to any attractive woman..you like to compliment them all..
For what? Just for a brief acknowledgement they throw your way?
Do you ever mature, or would always remain a 5 year old who wants it all?

I would like to tell them to stop for once, to think where this hunting will take them
To savor the pleasure of feeling home with one person , rather than scattering themselves in 100s of women
Each woman is a mystery, each woman is a charm..but whats known once can not be known 100 times..
And if there is one person you feel home with, then getting away from her will take you away from yourself..from everything which you prided..and everything which you felt defined you

But let me tell you this one last thing (If it does help in putting your straight)
We know it all..we know what you want from us..we know where all this is intended to lead to and how it will end
So..dont hold us in any false esteem or hope..as we dont hold you in any!

(Phew! I burnt so much of time and energy, and a part of my heart in writing this humongous post. I must feel very strongly about this!)

The lull

When you dont look at your cell often to see if there are any new messages
When in your free moments, no face or name springs up and you feel like reaching out to the phone to talk to that person
When you forget how your own laughter sounds like

Then you know..you have come a long way...

Why do we have to strive so much to have something good in life, but all bad things happen effortlessly?

I mean, one can just have a pinch of potassium cyanide and die within minutes, but you have to eat 1 kg of spinach or broccoli every single day to get a healthy glow (And it might not even happen)

You just have to eat a bit of junk for a couple of days and the skin, eyes, hair show it..but for all good things you struggle, you exercise, and then leave it upto God!

"Results take 28 days to show, and results may vary" - A note on a face cream which is priced at 3700.
             Why the heck would it take so long when you charge such a bomb? Why cant it act as fast as acid, which thrown on face can destroy it in no time. Destroy it in such a way that it might seem like the face never existed?

Dying is just a second of decision and minute of work, but living is an effort..

Why is destruction such an easy thing, and construction so futile?

Why??

My Monalisa smile

"Why do you love me?"

"Does that make you sad?"

"No..I just want to know, cos I am confused..what do you see in me?"

"I love you just like that..cos I was meant to..Cos love is the only feeling which you made me feel when I first looked at you..it was not friendship, it was not infatuation...I could not relate you with anything other than love"

"Hmm...still does not make sense to me..sometimes I dont trust this love you speak about"

"Ok..so tell me why do people like Mona lisa's smile..why is that painting by Da-Vinci so famous?"

"Well the lady is pretty and the smile is innocent"

"Nope..its not cos of that..there are much more prettier women with a thousand watt smile..but do you know why hers is special..cos there is something hidden in her smile..her smile promises of possibilities, of mysteries one would like to unravel, of unspoken happiness.."

"Now that you say it..yes it sure is all that..but whats the connection with my question?"

"You stand for the same..for all possibilities of happiness in my life.And even if the possibilities stand just the same after years, I can live with that.I can live with not living those possibilites, but just seeing them in you.Even if I dont get to know you,I will be happy that there was so much in you to be explored.You stand for all that...to me :)"