About Me

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I am not your mystery woman, I am not your muse..I am not your soulmate, just a passionate woman looking for her own peace of mind... Heart is a lonely hunter!!! "Within us there is someone who knows everything, wills everything, does everything better than we ourselves"~I guess this is Hermen Hesse
Showing posts with label Mindless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mindless. Show all posts

Friday, December 14, 2018

Stop..renew..play

Boredom is creeping inside me like a deadly snake..snarling and hissing
Pouring its venom on every organ...on everyone I meet

My mind tethered to the sameness of everyday-ness...pivoting around mindless things, things that dont matter yet make me mad

I think its the time that the snake sheds its exuviae..and adorns itself with new skin


Saturday, June 10, 2017

Saturday nights

Saturday nights..some nights when I used to think
"the world is still mine to claim"

Those lonely bus rides to some arbitrary mall..
listening to songs on head phone of some music shop..weird songs
Songs I never heard thereafter

Settling down in some dhaba..feeling like a queen among minions
Is that how it feels when the world seems just a part of you..just a speck
And you feel bigger than the world

Its been a while since I did any of that..a while when I stepped out to enjoy rain and the shiny lights of the city
A while when I was me

Friday, August 19, 2016

My beautiful

Are we meant to feel stupid and frivolous for the smallest bit of euphoric feeling we have had in our lives

Feel silly for those pockets of our moments which felt like dream..or like a feeling we knew we would cherish forever!

Just cos it was not meant to last..or it did not last in-spite of our efforts to make it last?

I love the small in all of it...I yearn for such tiny things in people that I could die to just hear "are you home?" said in a way which makes me feel as if home is all around me..home is in the person who asks me that question in the most delicious tone

I feel we all bask in something special we did in our lives...something which could not be part of us forever..even if the person we experienced it with is part of it all

Its not just a lover

I feel the big in the night I spent with a close cousin getting high on rum and coke till 7 A.M
I find the beautiful in my birthday that my friends in B.I.T spent some 20 years back for me, just me blowing the candles

The beautiful, the grand is just a sparkle..in the canvas of life
You just got to recognize seek and cherish it






Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Marriage...yet again

Marriage can be an enriching or a debilitating experience

Before you realize what it is..it gets too late
Then you are left trying to find a balance between the 2 extremes

But that can never be done..not a possibility for a human with passions

If you have passion for yourself, you would find the debilitating in something which is not enriching
You would find disaster in something which is stereotypical
You would find doom in something which is moderately OK

Who is to be blamed, what is to be done?

Monday, December 21, 2015

Pause, rewind, replay...please

I wont let everything in me go waste, I am just waiting

I feel there is a pause, I am living a pause..life will get on accelerated mode again

Friday, June 12, 2015

The intoxicating loneliess beckons

Everybody wants their share from the world.

Of stolen kisses, clandestine meetings, outrageous fights

Drama satisfies us in some soul gratifying way

Obsessions are what we need
Obsessions to get through the drill..to get past the ordinariness
But pity.. obsessions don't last a lifetime!!

Then as the drama and the passion for it subsides,finality of things dawns on us

You are avenged.,Of being born

Then the  intoxicating loneliess beckons
Lets leave love alone..to perish or to fend for itself

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Orchestrated happiness

Do you recall the last few minutes of you in bed, just before you fall in the arms of sleep, the semi-slumber state?
That unguarded state of you, when there is a slur in your diction and abandon in your words.
You say stuff to someone close to you, things you would not utter otherwise in senses.

You are drifting away, or maybe catching up with yourself
The part of you, you lose in daylight, comes to sense

The smell of the entwined words, of you and the one close to you in the bed, holding both of you in its mysterious embankment

The richness of your being is in it true and full form..in the abyss of the night
Thats what they call bliss

A bliss you never knew existed in such moments
A bliss you remember to miss, when you cant remember when was the last time you felt that

And then you wish to recreate that, you dont even sometimes know you are searching for such trivial moments in your life

A dear friend of mine once told me "R, these moments that are passing us while we laugh, roam around in oblivion to all that has gone and is yet to come..this is true happiness. And once this is gone, for the rest of our lives, we can pretend to be happy."

Some words of wisdom from a guy I thought could not think deeply.

है मेरी  दुआ की जब हम मिले, तो देखे मुझे मेरे दोस्त एक बार यूँ ही
जैसे मिले अजनबी
हम फिर से चले, तो फिर से हँसे, मैं फिर से उड़ूँ ,पाऊ नयी ख़ुशी
जैसे मिले अजनबी





Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I used to have a music in my heart
A lingering sensation of sweet melodies

I used to have a spring in my feet
Dancing to that lingering music in my heart

This new year I wish, that music comes back to me
In new colours, and new hues
With new possibilities and new avenues

And I can see a glimpse of..
..my lost beauty, in many different ways,
This new year..

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Empty heart

Sometimes the heart is completely empty

You try to fill it, with all the notions of happiness

With things like : Count your blessings, reckon your achievements

But the walls of your heart reject each and all of those ideas, like mismatched blood

Or is it that some people are just made like that? Their DNA rejects drips of sanity and happiness?
They can only filter out grief, absurditiies of heart, malfunctioning of brain

A forlorn, miserable identity carved into their system, unknown to them

I tried making happiness complete me
But what made me whole, was the emptiness of it all

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Jobless in Bangalore

I sit on the couch for hours watching back to back recorded episodes of "Grey'a anatomy" (the earlier ones on star plus and later ones on Zee Cafe), One tree hill, mad men..and anything which catches my fancy while flipping channels

I start feeling as if I was born and raised on this couch

So how does it feel being so free and having time to yourself to pursue whatever you want, must be really great!
NO it sucks!

There were so many interests I pursued earlier, while I was working and they seemed interesting to me
Now even dance does not excite me...cos everything looks like a compensation for something major I am missing in life
My job..I dont recall a day of my life where I ever thought I would not be working

Even the blog was such a respite earlier..and now it seems like a task!

Some women might be OK not working after marriage, but I was never going to be that woman, thats what I had sworn to myself

And look where life gets you sometimes...amongst the 3 of we sisters, I am the only one not earning right now

The body loses its energy if it does not do what its always meant to...then no substitute is enough.. reading..dancing..fashion...dining out...nothing helps!

So every day I go through such weird thoughts, sitting alone on the couch, willingness to move having left me

Then I pick up broken pieces of my heart and start all over with.....hmmm Grey's anatomy... err One tree hill..

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

FB or not?

I see people complaining and cribbing so much about the social networking sites like orkut, twitter and majorly majorly FB!


I fail to understand the dimwits who do it!

Who the fuck made FB? We..dint we? normal people like us
And then we think we are important enought to condemn it?

What does FB do? It JUST only JUST gives us a platform to exercise the networking we might want to

Does it force us into anthing? NO! If you dont wish to be friends with someone..you have the freedom not to be.If someoen bores you with his/her updates..just choose not to see that person's updates

Its all and all about you..its a choice you made..like everything else in life

I guess its you who is picks up things for herself/himself...s/he is basically sick of her/his self more than the site...cos that will make that site all the more important to you!

Some people are always whining on FB..of lost love..of how everyone else is bullshit
Some people only talk of sports
Some like to share trivia..cos their lives dont have much to offer to the world

So what?
Just let them be..you be yourself and choose what you want to see..if you can not..that describes you

So as it has always been...life is all about what you choose!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

From Eat Pray Love..To..Committed

He said - "You smell of champagne"

She said - "You smell of my dreams"

This life and its mysteries, the calculations and mis-calculations, the compromises and disillusions, this fight with yourself...ready to know if all of it is worth it

Rest when I regain myself

Monday, October 8, 2012

This body has a mind of its own

Note : I need some time away from what all is happening around me, my mind is a little numb.
I have been irregular on the blog, and I miss it like I would miss myself (if I give in to the world). You realize how being with yourself is something you love the most, when you are about to lose yourself and your loneliness

What you are going to read now is midless chatter of an overloaded brain..but had to write something


People emphasize so much on the brain that they forget the body has a say in lots of matters too

You ask me why should one love anyone?
Is it just the brains or the brawn?

Its way too many things My Dear!Brain is but just a bit of it
Words become harrowing at times, your ideas and your intelligence can become a farce one day..too much or too less

What are you? A mix of your body, a bit of your mind, your fragrance, your mischief and your desires(which makes another desirous of you)

You are way too many things, and Also Nothing..at the same time

You are loved cos of...
the way you smile, and the way you hold it back too
the way your flare up, and the way you sometimes let go and feign nonchalance
the way you touch a chord somewhere, and never let it go..

A person can be magic, for what he says, and for how he touches you
Your body can be a resting place for some battered heart

Someone's body can be yours, away from the world, away from your own grueling self, away from the mess that brain creates

This body has a mind of its own, and we cant deny that many a times it supersedes the brain

Lets rest in peace our brains, words and  ask our body its wishes some times..that's as much ours as anything else