I hate..

I hate..the education that you have..which makes you say all these serene..dumb..stoic words like "sure", "fine"..when all you want to do is kill me with your sarcasm and hatred..and bad words (which you eventually do)

I hate..your qualification..which makes you so desirable..irrespective of the jerk that you are...

I hate..your sweetness..which draws me to you..and then spurns me like I never existed..

I hate..your self respect..which tries to demean me and never bothers about my respect for myself..and for you

I hate..you..cos it refuses to let go of me..or love me the way I wanted you to...

Sometimes I think all sentiments are just forms of anger..little variations..anger is what I feel after any strong feeling
I am angry I know..very angry..insanely angry
At what..I cant say!?!
But I move around like a possessed woman..possessed by anger
I feel I can hit someone...there are times I feel I would throw my mobile phone ..just to hear it break..just to destroy something
I want to snap at any and everyone...and I think of new ways to insult people
But I end up doing none of it..and my anger just surmounts!

God..please help me!

Another Birthday Gone

This time 6th Dec came and went..and I dint even realize till about 3rd that my birthday is around the corner
It surprised me to think how it used to be earlier. I used to be the one most excited about my birthday. Right from the time I can remember it.
From 6th November itself I would start troubling people around asking them "what is it after 30 days...20 days..10 days..1 day" :) And they would act ignorant and trouble me

I used to invite everyone possible..some close..some just acquaintances..I liked having a big crowd around on my b'day..much to my Mom's chagrin who had to arrange for the party!

Many a times I have baked my own birthday cake..diligently with icing and all..now I cant bear to make a cup of tea for myself..
And I needed to have the best and the prettiest dress for myself..
Now I don't even bother to buy anything new..this time I dint have anything new to wear but Ma was here and finally bought me something

I don't know if the change is inevitable..if the change is good..if the change is whats called maturing..but I surely would not have wanted to miss my birthday and suddenly realise on 3rd!

Long time..no see

My dear blog

Sorry to be away from you for so long
But sometimes..I have nothing to say..nothing to feel
Or..feel but not write about..cos the time is not right :)

But still..I just dropped in to say..I miss you
And you will be attended soon...as soon as I am at my best or my worst :)

Till then..do well..and miss me

Some Men!

A few days back a married ex-colleague of mine, with whom I was hardly in a "hi-hello" way, wrote a mail and proposed marriage!

Now...what am I supposed to feel for that?
Disgust, humor, pity, love/romance?
Just what???

He is a Muslim, so maybe he thought he could marry 4 times and I could be one of his chosen ones??!!!

Or maybe he thought, poor girl, she needs a man and he can fill in that gap?

I mean..whatever he thought..just goes to confirm my idea about men..which I would rather like to withhold for now and wait for it to change some day..

I know not what???!!

The lean and tall figure..and that bent head
I recognize the bending of the head..from some other life

That half smile and half amusement...I know when I am gonna see it

Whenever I cross you, there is this strong desire to be in your arms
To know every atom of your being, to know what makes you tick

How would it be to touch that smile, which I see now
How would it be to kiss those words, which I hear right now?

What is it that flows from you to me?
Forming the current which draws both of us in it?

I dont question it..I dont want to
Its a sweet song in my heart..a secret smile on my lips
A breezy thought..all through my day!

A thousand spelndid suns!

Have been reading this book by Khalid Mohammad. Had read "The kite runner" before and simply loved it

So many illusion we form of people...and so many times it breaks!
And with that we break each time..little by little..breath by breath...going...going..and there we are gone!
Never to be the same again!

But this specific book raised strong emotions within me..and I thought everything strong in me was dead!!
It was like a gut wrenching thing..something hitting pit of my stomach and I go breathless and dizzy

The atrocities that men endow the women with..the level to which it goes in some parts of the world, was beyond me

There were times when I was scared to read another sentence..my heart came to my mouth..my eyes twitched..and watered

I never knew I could feel so strongly about things which never happened with me

But then arent men the same everywhere..inherently barbaric and callous..god made them like that!

Sweet and gentle if they want something out of you..but this whole charade of sweetness and nicety falls off, the moment their motives are not fulfilled (or they are done with their motives)

I have seen it with every single man I came across in my life...in their sweetness..in their love...in their friendship...the underlying hatred!

But I don't blame them now...maybe they are made like that!!!

You said you will die without talking to me
Why are you not dead now?

Love

I will not let you get away this time
I will not let you evaporate

Will hold you close to my heart
Take you inside me

Taste you to my heart's content
Cuddle you in my breath

Even if you are here for a day
Even if if you are here for a lark

I will consume you to my heart's content
Wont give you any rest

Make you race inside my heart
make you go tipsy turvy

Lets see who wins this game
I dont care if I lose

I just want to know what you are
what you are upto
What you can make of me

Go get lost in the twilight
But just give me a breath of fresh air

Give me what it takes to fight you
And to succumb to you

Give me what it takes
To make you tick in my heart
Even if I lose myself in that moment..
Completely!

Memories

At times the memories
Just clutch her heart in a tight grip
Unaware..unwanted
And squeeze it hard..make it devoid of its resilience
Making her pant hard for a breath of air..
Stifled, zapped, unguarded she stands..against the blow of a whiff of memory

Slowly her heart gathers its wit...comes back in shape
She breathes..she smiles again
Happy to let go ghosts of memories..

Nobody is happy with reality
Everyone loves the make belief they live in
So why not give them what they want?

Let them live a little..let them smile a bit

Helplessness

Writing on this blog has become a matter of contemplation for me now.
Cos I am beginning to doubt the whole purpose of it

I started this blog, to write what I wanted and share with people..
With people I knew and people whom I could know..through the blog world

But I dint make this blog for people I did not like and did not want any comments coming from them..I dint want to think twice before writing anything on this blog, since it could elicit unwanted comments

But the same seem to be happening and it just fills me with helplessness and despair..

How can some people be so shameless and so selfish and unconcerned about others?
How can they just think they can barge in anyone's life and write whatever they want as comments on my blog?

My blog is for me..for my happiness..not theirs!

I tried blocking anonymous comments, I tried blocking specific people...but to no avail..and I am not a pro in blogging sphere to know what more to do and I really don't want to wreck my nerve over this

But each time I see an unwanted comment, my temper goes for a toss..and I have to admit I am not very good at controlling it

People write theories..which they think is the truth of life..and everyone should believe it..
People who don't even know what truth means..who are so convoluted in their own brains that the only respite for them is to tamper with others peace of mind

They make false ids to vent out their depression/desperation whatever..

A point has come where I have stopped reading those comments..for my benefit..
But I am left thinking..what kind of people are these?

Love or self?

Sometimes I think, whats the most important thing for a human..love or self?

Is there any love..which goes above the self? Which can surpass all barriers created by the ego?

If so, then should I presume that when it becomes difficult to talk to people, not cos of any heart breaking incident..but cos of some useless moments of arguments and stupid discussions..which leads to non-talking modes, that the ego surpasses love?

Sometimes it has also happened that such small reasons have led to total rift in relationships..when people could not resolve trivial issues..could never reach out to the other person..just cos of this thing called ego

In such cases, the reason for the fight is so trivial that often people don't even remember what caused it..all they recall is that they don't wish to see this other person again and meeting them is an unpleasant event

For some relationships..it does not even matter whether you talk again or not..maybe cos you did not like those people enough to begin with..so if such a relationship breaks...its no love lost..and you are more than happy to let go

But with some people..who you have always loved..you don't understand why it gets so difficult

People say..love always exists...that in spite of fights, some love conquer it all..

But I say..when that love does not show often..when that love does not reach you..when that love is not something you can vouch for or depend on..which does not go beyond the chains of ego..then I guess it is in its process of disappearing..

Probably we wouldn't even know when it goes..we wouldn't even accept it..but our heart knows its gone

It used to be so easy to forget the differences and enjoying each others company superseded trivial differences..I used to think inner happiness brings about ease in relationships..if you are happy with the world..you bring the same sunshine in each of your relationships..then why do sometimes seemingly happy people hurt others?

And in all this..each one of us would think that they are right..but in reality..each one of us is as wrong as the other person!

The mind cant think
When burdened by the mundane

Grown up or yet to be?

As a kid I always used to wonder..what is it that differentiates me from the grown ups..why am I called a child and they adults?
Why don't I get the kind of respect they get..why do the so called adults dismiss me off the way they do?
Is it what I say does not make sense to them (to me they perfectly did) or is it the way I look?
I analyzed..scrutinized..racked my brain every day..trying to find a reasonable reason, which made the adults and me stand apart
And one day a thought crossed me..I guess it has to do with the way I climb the stairs..I always used to climb 2 steps at a time..and sing loudly..and I sang all thru the day..while in car..or climbing stairs..basically every gap of my day was filled with either singing or dancing around..

I had never seen an adult doing all that..so I concluded that this has to be the reason..

But even now sometimes I find myself doing the same..singing..almost dancing (even when no one is looking)..so I am a little confused..do I call myself an adult yet..or No?

8 (Not always)

I have been tagged by Shruti and seemed like an interesting tag. Though I feel 8 is either too big or too small a number for some of the sections :) So I have been lenient enough to add as many points as I felt or could

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
- Reality shows on music and dance, with all the spices added :)
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- Radha ki betiyan kuch kar dikhayengi (This show is over now but any show which shows 3 sisters from small town is close to heart. This show is by the same people who had made "banagei apni baat" 16 years ago on Zee and it was a favorite then. All 3 of us, along with Ma ,used to sit and wait for it. And Ma used to reminisce about it when we all left our home town )
- Shows on glamor and glitterati, showbiz

Though I watch TV a lot, cant seem to recall anymore which I can list as my fav.SORRY :)

8 Favorite Places to Eat:
- Cosmo village(which has renovated so many times and the name has changed a lot, but some old memories attached)
- Infinitea - Dont go there anymore...but was my hang out almost every day a few years back
- Home
- 100 feet
- Mainland China
..That's it!

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
- Started house hunting with vigor and focus.Saw some promising ones
- Fought with Ma :(
- Finally took my finances in hand.Sent some mails, made some long pending calls..
- Had a diet day, with just fruits and boiled veggies :)
- Went to sister's place and had tea with family..parents here too
- Made up with Ma and laughed at some funny things which Papa does
- Got a new hand bag from Singapore..gifted by my brother in law :)))
- Finally decided to take digital TV connection and gave them a confirmation

8 Things I Look Forward To:
- All of a sudden buying a house and shifting in it has become priority..something which Ma kept asking me to do and I kept avoiding
- Finishing the 2 books I started simultaneously
- A colleague's marriage
- My elder sister's 2nd kid
- My younger sister's 1st kid
- My father's next passion
- My niece's next adventure
- Thats it..cant think of 8th one


8 Things I Love About Winter:
-I just love winter..reminds me of all the cricket matches played by my father, uncles in our huge house where I stayed as a kid
- My birthday is in winter
- The nip in the air
- Smell of bhuttas getting baked..
- Fashionable sweaters
- Festivity around November..December
- Sitting around bonfire
- Someone or the other getting married

8 Things on my Wish List:
- Health and happiness for me and my dear ones
- Being able to drive around Bangalore
- A red dress..which compliments my figure :)
- Going to Venice
- Get rid of my eye bags
--That's it

8 Things I’m Passionate About:
- Dancing
- Reading
- Writing..whenever I can
- Watching movies
- Shopping (wish someone else could fulfill this passion of mine)
- Clothes
- Net surfing
- Keeping my house clean

8 Words or Phrases I Use Often:
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah yeah yeah
- Shit
- Nonsense
- Why?
- How come?
- I know!
- You bet!

8 Things I Have Learned From My Past:
- Assess yourself before assessing others
- Speak your mind, but think also
- Be sweet to people who are sweet to you, don't take them for granted
- Don't be too honest with people and let yourself out in the open for others to judge
- And if they do, make sure you tell them that you care 2 hoots
- Be yourself, cause in the long run that's how you end up being
- Shit happens, but I have developed this uncanny attitude to deal with it..don't know if its for good or for bad
- Laugh, its curative

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See or Visit:
- Europe
- Kerela
- Coorg
- Egypt
- Singapore
- South Africa
...That's it

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
- Have guts and the right situation to tell someone that I really really admire him :)
- Get enough courage and money to buy a house
- Facial
- Get rid of that horrible shade on my toe nails
- Sleep
- Make even with someone
- Force my parents to stay with me some more
- Get rid of my eye bags (YES ITS IMPORTANT)

I owe it to you

I haven't been well for 2 weeks or so..my old perpetual stomach issues

Cant eat, cant survive without eating..its a catch 22 situation

My parents and I always feared it has to do with some serious problem inside my stomach..and it needed an endoscopy to be done..which is a painful procedure where they put in a tube inside your mouth till stomach...

But this time around I thought I would do it..once and for all know what the issue is..
And surprisingly everything is perfectly normal..even the ultra sono-graph says "Essentially normal"

I was quite pleasantly surprised (but the fact remains that my stomach does not still behave it self)..

Inspite of me letting my body go through so much of atrocities like outside food, bad food, irregular food habits (comes with being on your own) and alcohal..it still has retained its vital organs in its normal conditions

So I thought I owe it to my body, for being so fine with my bad habits
At least now I should have a good and better food regime..

Lets see how much of it I follow!

Father's day

Today is father's day.. I wasnt aware of it...I knew its in June but dint know the exact date.
Incidentally I was cleaning up my place and all the junk it held and I came across some of the letters and cards which my father had sent me long back..more than 10 years ago

He had written so many things to me..how he was so proud of me..how he missed me at home and so many other things...
I think I took it all for granted back then..cos I knew I was important to him and his writing all that to me just meant assertion of all the facts that I already knew

But now when I look back...now that our interactions are so less..and our fights so much more..the past means so much to me
To know that there was a point when we were so close...when we could talk about just anything under the sun

I thought of him as the smartest and the brightest father in the world..and I still do.his passion for chess(which made us know of most of the chess moves), cricket, tennis, books, science and so many things made me think there is not a single thing in the world that my father does not know about

And I took him to be a super human..incapable of follies..and I guess I erred there




And now..why has it become so difficult to be the same..why have we become so distant? We just call and talk about inane things...

Sometimes I am left thinking...
Does my father know that his daughter sometimes cries for no reason..that at times she spends her days thinking of past and doesnt want to live in the presnt..

Does he know that this life he brought into the world..isnt happy with the world and the people in this world all the time?

Massakali jara mattakali

Some body asked me today..hey I do not understand the meaning of this song.."massakali jara mattakali..tadi se mud ada se ud..chal fur fur..tujhe hero banana re.." do you get it?
I could not reply for a second..and then I smiled within..and felt like telling her..

If this song does not stir something in you..if it does not make you feel light and vibrant and smile...how can I explain it..
No I can not....how does one define meaning of words and sentences which are meaningless yet express a lot?

well you would understand this song only if you are one "masakkali" ;)

The sea that never was...

I thought there was a sea inside you
So took a plunge to discover its mysteries
But I erred, marred by my vision
Cos the water was shallow
And I got hurt
By the shallowness of your being

If Only!

He was couple of years younger to her...and a junior in college
But right from the very first day she saw him..she knew there was something about him..and she also knew that he could sense the same

Though they barely spoke in the very 1st meeting..he was a little zombied fresher..and she was surrounded by her friends..and was a senior

And then in the next few months her life changed..as if all that she thought of love,all her naive feelings and innocent dreams, were coming alive..She was singing all her unsung songs..

She woke up with his thoughts in mind..drifted along the day in a dream..slept smiling at the world with his thoughts again
Everything she did, this constant feeling of him being around was there..maybe he would come to the canteen..or maybe she would see him running down the stairs..

They both knew there was something special goign on...even while she talked with him of other guys and he about other women...teasing..flirting..laughing..singing

He was like a part of her..yet so different from her..the beautiful medley of contradictions

And one day, when she was leaving that place for ever..having finished her course..he asked her out..and while they were together he held her hand for one brief moment..maybe a few seconds..and as if something melted within..she felt like an alien to herself...alien to this new feeling which was overpowering her

Then she left the place..and he wrote letters to her..but she dint know what she wanted out of this..she dint know if she could survive this love that she felt inside..but all the while, she couldnt think of anything else

And one day..when they met..and he said "I have a cursh on you..you must have sensed..tell me were you ever attracted to me in any way?"

And she lied...

cos she knew truth would land her somewhere she wasnt comfortable being..she wasnt comfortable being in love...so she said "No never", with as placid a face as she could manage
That was the biggest lie of her life...
On that he said "Thats ok..I wont keep in touch now cos I dont want to deal with one sided feeling".
She wanted to revert the whole thing..to let go of her inhibitions and tell him she has no other thought in her mind but him, since the time she met him..

but she wouldnt..that wasnt meant to be

And even today she wonders..would things be different if she had answered differently..should she regret?

On a hindsight she feels..it ended as it was meant to..beautiful as long as it existed

Tagged

I have been tagged by Raina. She had tagged me earlier but I never got around to answering them, as I dont take it as a time pass..but a huge task.
So here I go..as true to myself as I can get

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was told that my mom and mausis were watching a movie "Phir bhi"(very lesser known) and they liked the name "Sumi"..and thats where my nick name comes from..and my mom feels that naming me after that character has affected my life too in some way :)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
If crying means tears flowing out, then I cant really remember..or maybe I do..some days back when I fought with my sister


3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I used to..it has deteriorated with time..as everything else


4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Fish..it has Omega 3 you see..am a health freak


5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not as yet..have planned many times though :)


6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would certainly admire that other person..friends not sure of


7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
People tell me I do..but its never intentional

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope..was taken out when I was 11


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
With time I have become scared of lots of things...so dont think I would do this


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL
Musseli..fruit one


11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I hardly wear shoes..but when I do..I usually untie them before taking them off


12. IF YOU WERE TO PICK YOU OWN FIRST NAME, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Definitely not the one I have...noone pronounces it correctly..hmm maybe a simpler one

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Not so much into ice creams..Vanilla my fav flaour if I have to choose

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The way they talk..voice and mannerisms

15. RED OR PINK?
Red


16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Procrastination

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Myself..as I was years ago

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I am not tagging anyone..so no expectations in this regard

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Am not wearing any of those things right now

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Mar jawaan - Fashion..latest favorite

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Pink

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Davidoff Cool Waters..if you ask me perfume

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A friend...

25. HOW DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
My cousin

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cricket

27. HAIR COLOR?
Brown

28. EYE COLOR?
Black

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Thai...any preparation with lemon grass and basil

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Dev D

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Thats a very lame and boring question..dont wanna answer


34. SUMMER OR WINTER
Winter

35. HUGS OR KISSES
Both..am greedy :)

36. DESCRIBE YOUR PENCIL CUP
I don’t have one

38. FAVORITE ARTIST(s)?
In which sphere?I need more specific question

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Lolita...its chilling

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Dont have one

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Watching Splirsvilla 2 right now

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
I wish I had so many favorites..

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Not into english much

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
US of A

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
So many...can dance, can sing(though some people might not agree with me), can write..and can cook well if given the recipe


46. WHERE WERE U BORN?
Patna

47. FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY?
Junk jwellery..earing..bracelet...anything

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Presumptuous question

49. FAVORITE SONG?
ALl favs cant be listed..but the latest is..Rehna tu..and mar jaawan

50.Favorite Musical?
Mama Mia..love the song "I see you slipping away each day" (Have not got the words right but loved the way it was picturised).Though I dont have a daughter but could totally get into the emotions

Time is the worst enemy
It just goes by..touching everything with its harshness
Taking away all the moisture..leaving them dry
Taking away thier sweetness...leaving forgetfullness

I dont know why they say..time is the best healer??!!

A Cuppa Tea

"Ek cup chai peeyogi" (Will you have a cup of tea?)..one question asked predominately in my hostel during my college days

This question would ignite a lot of discussions and arguments..."who would make it".."what all do we talk about while having tea"..

That one cup of tea meant much more than just tea leaf,sugar and milk..
It meant uniting...gossiping...fun...camraderie and much more




I remember this cup of tea used to be my constant companion during all my difficult days
When I was taking my first board exams ,every one in house used to be out..and I had preparation leaves..
I used to be alone...so I discovered that a cup of tea could give me company when noone was around

Then came my bachelor days...with tea as constant companion

And then my MCA days..where our exams could not be held without tea..a constant debate over who would make it...but nevertheless we all loved it...

And then my initial years as a professional...in Hyderabad..me and my roomie

At 2 in the night my roomie and I would not be able to sleep....so this sudden desire to have tea would engulf us...all our conversations and gossips were punctuated with cups of tea...as if tea entailed all that

My roomie would ask me "Raji wanna cup of tea" and with anticipation I would say "yes".
On that she would say "Then go and make it" and we would burst out in laughter...then it dint matter who made tea..I dont even recall

these tea leaves..they dont know what good they bring with them...
conversations...good feeling...happiness and companionship

tes is tea...nothing can fight it..not even alcohol :)



I wish I could get back those carefree days of tea and talks...gay abandon and reckelss laughter...drenching in the rain and forgetting consequences..

Whenever I think of those days..I cant believe it was the same me...
when happiness was always aorund...and nothing seemed impossible
When we thought of world is a playgourd...and not as a war field

Love begins with tea :) and even if it does not...tea is enough to hold me together

I wish love could be as fresh and fulfilling as tea...over and over again

Rehna Tu...

Its Gulzaar (using "z" as per a comment from a friend that I use "j" where I should use "z") once again..but this time particularly for one song I chanced upon

Update - Sorry my sis told me it is Prasoon Joshi...I was being presumtuous here, but considering my love for Gulzar and the likeness of this lyrics with his style, I can pardon myself for this goof up :)

Its from this new unreleased movie "Delhi 6", music by AR Rehman..

The words make me want someone to write it for me :)

"Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu
Thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon
Dheema dheema jhonka, ya fir junoon"

Love the floaty feel of the words and the music..but would have liked it if someone else other than Rahman had sung it..he kind of takes away the romance from the song..reminds me of his "Vande Mataram" and I dont think I am supposed to feel patriotic for this one

But anyways...all that not withstanding..I am falling in love with this song...purely for its words

"Thoda sa resham tu humdum
thoda sa khurdura
kabhi to ad jaye ya lad jaye
ya kkhushboo se bhara"..

...hmm isnt that me? Sweet at times and bitter other times
At least in my imagination I am ...:)

"Tujhe badalna na chahoon
ratti bhar bhi sanam
bina sajawat milawat
na jyada na hi kam"

...dont we all want to be wanted the way we are..someone who loves us as we are?

"tujhe chahoon jaise hai tu
mujhe teri baarish mein bheegna hai ghul jaana
tujhe chahoon jaise hai tu
mujhe teri lapat mein jalana raakh ho jaana"..

such passion..love or madness..reminds me of ameer khusro's lines
"ishq mujhko nahin vahshat hi sahi" (Maybe I am not in love but in a madness)

I always imagined myself to be that "baarish" and that "lapat" that he talks about..someone who breathes in the very essence of me...burns in my magic :)