The abundance

I have always been the kind of person who gives in to excess..
Excess of everything..be it food..be it love..be it hurt..be it pain!

I always do things in excess of what is required..what is right..what is healthy

I remember as a kid, I used to have these bad stomach aches and vomiting sessions..but even then(As my father tells me many times), I would be doubling with pain and nausea..walking bent down like an old woman..but would ask someone "Pass me one more paratha" :)

Because I knew..sooner or later I am going to puke the whole thing out..in-spite of the paratha"..so why not enjoy the last morsel till I can no longer take :)
This actually continues till date, the nausea and my overeating

And the same rule applied to any other sphere of my life..
When I love..I know no bounds..be it family..or friends..or that someone special!
I know it might hurt later..I might feel dejected..but I continue with this sole feeling..let me have the best till it lasts...

And when I hate..I am only short of murdering the person!

And with that..life comes to its full circle :)

Now..if you ask me..is it wrong on my part..do I need to change..will I actively make and effort to?

The answer my friends is..No..even if in the end..I am the one getting the brunt of it all..I am not the one who can change this.

When God made me this way..he might have had some purpose :)

Do I know you...

The new me and the new you
Do we know each other?

Was it you...or was it my creation
Was it you..as it existed for me
Special..beautiful...genuine and love-able?

Did you have to be all that...and draw me to U..
And then make me realize..it was all a fiction?


I don't know..I don't need to

But what I do know is....you are not someone I should have known
You are not someone...I should have loved
You were not what I began to look for

Yet..I found you
In ways..neither you or I can figure out why..

You took me to a height..and then dropped me into an abyss
You cant try pulling me back so many times..I don't resurrect always

I wish I had vertigo..to be scared of even an attempt to reach that height!
But what I do have is - self-destructive instincts
Which makes me want you..again and again!

Whats with infants

I don't know what is it about me and infants..
I just cant get away from them..specially if they are from my family

Right now I am with my sis and her son..and all the time I feel like holding him
His smell is something I cant explain..
Its like a magnet..and I kiss him so many times!





The way he looks around in amazement.the way he twitches his eyebrows or moves his mouth
All that he does..is so engrossing for me!

I wish he understood how much I adore him..but I don't think he has any such notion

when I hold him..I want him to know he is so very dear to me..but I don't think the message gets across
And it exasperates me!

I try to reason it in my mind..my fascination for a new-born
Is it the innocence..or the fresh smell of milk around their mouth..or just the blood relation?

But there are some unanswered questions in my mind about them;
1. They kick their legs and hands all through the day, still dont develop any biceps?
2. They suddenly cry in their sleep, what exactly are they dreaming of?Past life?
3. They laugh at times when you speak to them..whats going on in their mind

I don't think even doctors have an answer to all this..
We can just guess and make a theory around it..but truth lies with these tiny ones..its their beautiful secret world where we elders have no entry into :)