Fighter

There is this serial I used to watch "Revenge" on star plus
Its the story of a woman whose father was falsely executed and died, when she was very small and she grows up to fight with the very powerful people who were responsible for that.

Though a far fetched story yet riveting and there were few scenes and dialogues which made it worth a watch. I specially liked the  protagonist , she carried the role to perfection

In that the father later comes back, he was not dead but for 18 years he faked his death and was in the hiding.

Towards the end there is a scene where father finds out he has terminal cancer and tells the daughter.

She is heart broken but keeps giving solutions or ways to fight it, she says we can do dialysis, chemo, hormone therapy, we can go to the best of the best..this will not last..you will survive

While the father knows its the end

But he just looks at her, she has tears flowing yet acting strong and suggesting remedies, and he says "Where did you learn to fight so much?"

On that dialogue somewhere something stung in me, it was as if he was talking to me, it was as if all these months of my struggle I wanted someone to say that to me...
All those months post diagnosis of my son's down syndrome, I hardly cried in front of anyone

I used that energy to read, read, read..search ..google..there has to be a way
There has to be a way to get my son out of this...to give him what he needs..to make him functional

I had so many fears..which Aaru is proving wrong one by one..and I am so so glad

But those nights till 1 Am, I spent checking on the net, and I still do...that has become the center of my life

And in all this I was very alone, not alone in terms of people around me, but absolutely no idea or help..I have always been the kind who hardly shared the worst of worst in her life with anyone..till things got really really ugly..I always felt I could fight it on my own

And amidst all this, I never knew I wanted a single soul to tell me..where did you learn to fight so much!

The gynae appointment and next few days

After hearing about possibility of 1 in 10 of a child with DS from anamoly scan, I visited my gynae at the fag end of the day

Dont know what I expected, maybe some miraculous wordsm but what she said went in haze for me

She started preaching me on what a child with DS can have a life, and asked if I wished to confirm it

I said what if I wish to have the child any which way?

She said - Then dont get this expensive test done, if your decision is made, go ahead

I came back so quiet, my mother was also quiet. It was just the 2 of us(its mostly just the 2 of us)

When there is too much happening inside you, and noone to actually blame for it, you go in a shell

When we reached home, it was late, and by then I had a plan...I wanted to get a 2nd opinion as anamoly scnas are not a 100% diagnosis. With that in mind, I felt lighter and thought of telling it to the husband

I called him on face time pretty late and told him whatever happened in the scan and that I wanted to get a 2nd opinion.

His exact words said with a very sheepish, guilty face " meri maano to test kara lo, you should learn and read about DS more and understand what a life with such a child can be. You should take an informed decision"

INFORMED DECISION!

When people say such amalagm of words which sound politically right yet dont make any sense, I shut down completely.

What does that mean, that I either abort, or continu pregnancy in distrubed state of mind?? Cos nothing can be done about DS in the womb!

Basically these words were just a disguise to tell me to end it

But I ended the call, telling him that it was a mistake to call him

After that I knew that thic child and my destiny are together. I am the sole person to decide on pregnancy, and also whatever follows after delivery(if the baby has DS). But in none of it, ending the pregnancy was a choice

After that days went in a haze

There is a much proclaimed scan center in bangalore where getting an apoointment is a pain

My borther in law stood in line at 6 Am the next day to get it, I got the appointment on the same day at 1 PM, I took half a day from office and reached the center on my own while my sister and mother came there to join me

I waited in a zoned state and held on to my gut when the doc started it, my husband is in healthcare and somehow got contact of this doctor and the doc already knew me and my trepiditions when I went to him

He vehemently rubbished all the soft markers(be it the nose, or the feet ) which actually came true(yet DS)

I heaved a sigh of relief and went about pregnancy happier.

When Aaru, Araadhya was born and 9.34 AM on a wednesday morning on 30th July 2014, I heard my gynae shout "Its a boy", my husband cut the umbilical chord and brought him to me and one look at his gorgeous face and the all my remaining fears were gone

I kissed his forehead and happiness spread like a drug in my blood

I felt so so so proud

During my 6 hours of recovery, I was dying to go out and see my people. To feel the shared happiness. To live this pride with them

I was restless and called upon nurse so many times to ask when can I be released