I am not your mystery woman, I am not your muse..I am not your soulmate, just a passionate woman looking for her own peace of mind...
Heart is a lonely hunter!!!
"Within us there is someone who knows everything, wills everything, does everything better than we ourselves"~I guess this is Hermen Hesse
This heart can sing new songs now...
My eyes will dream for you now
Araadhya Srijan..
you are a piece of my heart, which has not been celebrated as yet
I will celebrate myself with you, once again
मेरे लाल ,
तुम तो हमेशा थे...
मेरे मन की अभिलाषा में, तन की परिभाषा में
बचपन के गुड़िया घर में
कितनी बार तुझे खेलते खेलते तोडा, तोड़ते तोड़ते जोड़ा
पाकर खोया, खोके पाया है
कहाँ से बताऊँ तू आया है, पड़ा मैंने तुझको कहाँ पाया है
मिला था मन को जब मेरे एक तन
उपजा था तू एक मधुर चाँद बन
My Child
You were always there
In all my desires and my body definition
In my doll house from childhood
So many times I have played with you and broken you
And then put back pieces of you together
I lost you and found you so many times
How do I know where you have come from
Where did I find you lying
When my soul and body were brought together
You arose from it, like sweet moon
Why do people stop blogging? The ones who loved doing it once.
I fail to answer, as I am one of them.
And to top it, I think of it everyday. I scribble things and then read it and find it trash and never get to publish. Its like my writing has not ripened enough to be shown to the world.
What stops the flow of eccentric enthusiasm which brimmed earlier? Is it that you have become stale and can not conjure enough novelty? Or is it because you are bored of it? Or is it because you are not sad and yearning for something, which stops you from being dramatic in your writing? Or that you are too busy (most lame excuse, noone is ever too busy to do something they love)? Or is it cos you are too happy in your world that the blog world does not hold any meaning to you anymore?
I dont think its any of that! I think its more of the inertia of things which gets to you, once you get into the motion of not writing. But you keep thinking, I will get back to it with a bang.
I have things to say, share, create. I have too many drafts to publish.
So I have made a pledge, I will write at least once a week. Be it a line, or share a song, or any bullshit.
But I wont stop it to get into that inertia.
My blog has been my shiniest spot in life for over 7 years now, and I can not let go of that.
Not for anything new in life, not for any sorrow or for any joy.
So I hope someone is still looking at this corner of mine, someone is still interested in hearing what I have to say.
And say I will, about me, about things around me.
The journey begins again...
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I used to have a music in my heart
A lingering sensation of sweet melodies
I used to have a spring in my feet
Dancing to that lingering music in my heart
This new year I wish, that music comes back to me
In new colours, and new hues
With new possibilities and new avenues
And I can see a glimpse of..
..my lost beauty, in many different ways,
This new year..
This life and its mysteries, the calculations and mis-calculations, the compromises and disillusions, this fight with yourself...ready to know if all of it is worth it
Its no secret that blogging and reading blogs have become an integral part of my life. I follow a lot of blogs but there are some I don't, though I read them from time to time. Thats cos I dont want their boring updates to pop up in my update section often.(Am not trying to say mine are always interesting, but some of those blog updates are just not my kind of posts, to say. Maybe tad juvenile or maybe I am tad old)
But then I have mugged up some of their URLs(Yes I have a good memory and there are some 10 bloggers whose URLs I remember). I visit them when none of my favorite bloggers write anything. Another reason why I dont follow some blogs is for the surprise factor, I like to go to these blogs after sometime to see what has brewed all this while :)
There is one such blog of a girl which I visit at times. The other day I saw her blog's name in some other blogger's blog-roll and just clicked on it. After reading a few of her posts I had a feeling that this person isnt giving me the same vibes, in her writing, which I had associated with her in my mind. She sounded very different from the last time I read her. I instantly looked up to check the URL and it was a different one. So basically names of the 2 blogs were the same but they were blogs from 2 different persons. I heaved a sigh of relief to know that my judgment was not wrong
I also felt smug about it, and at the same time it was a funny thing to realize how we associate to a person, by just reading his/her blog. We form impressions, and each of their posts reaffirm our opinion about that person. Strange world is this blog world!! So real yet so out of reach
All this by just reading a person in bits and fragments, as with this girl whose blog I dont even follow but read once in a while.
And I have attached a bit of my sentiments too with all these bloggers I read. All based on what I read
To some I have grown fond of. For some I feel disheartened, for what they have gone thru and many a times wish that they see hope and love in this life Some I want to shake out of their misery, want them to end the darkness, want them to live life.But maybe thats how they would like themselves to be, always yearning.. always waiting....Yet its their darkness which pulls me to them, like a feeling of vertigo Some sound so intelligent that I feel if we could meet and sit across a table with a glass of wine, we will have much to talk and relish about
With some there is a tinge of attraction, an attraction which has a more soild base than what you feel for someone you meet. Cos you are what you really are, right here in your words. In person you could be anything, more suave, less passionate, better or worse looking, but thats the danger of being in person with anyone. Our walls come in between,expressions tamed, demeanor defensive. But here in your words I see what you really are. Your thought process(which might take me ages to know otherwise in human form), your likes and dislikes... This is you, away from another you Here is where you are eager to be yourself, happy to be so So knowing someone like this has a different high
When I see comments of bloggers, who visit and comment on my blog, on another blogger's post(where I comment)..I dont know why but it fills me with strange warmth, like a mesh of people attached to each other..I like to see that(Barring some)
Its a good world, this blog-world!
But nevertheless, somehow I have this lurking feeling that I would not want to meet any of them, lest it breaks their images in my mind Images are that fragile a thing, they break for inconsequential things Though I have some bloggers as friends on FB and after having a peek in their lives, I would say that their personality in blogs is reaffirmed by having that small window of FB in their lives, so no disillusionment there..
Though I dont do year end posts like I said last year, since I dont want to watermark years in my life, yet to mark this day I would like to thank each of you who read me, follow me, comment, read and not comment, follow but are too shy to do it publicly, smile or shed a tear at my posts This sure is the highpoint of my day, reading and writing on my blog, and each of you whom I have come across here, have made this world very special for me
So let me begin or end another year with this video clip of my sister. Her husband has created this, an amalgam of various shows that she has done.(Many of the clips are taken when she was pregnant, so she might look fat, which in reality she is not. Needed to mention this else she might pounce on me when she sees this here :)).
Loved the last bit in the video where she is singing a composition by Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali khan Sahab(its her own adaptation in terms of tune) लट उलझी सुलझा जा बालम , हाथ में मेरे मेहंदी लगी है Beloved, de-tangle my entangled hair , my hands are covered with henna (I hate this translation of mine, sounds like a shampoo ad. If someone has a better idea,please do tell)
You can also see that tall cute guy playing guitar in the background, who is no more and about whom I had written here
Coming to wishes we are supposed to make for the next 365 days, this sister of mine wants to be a playback singer, someone big. Not being up there might dishearten her, but what she has achieved till now, the acknowledgments and praises she gets, she can not undermine that.
So, all you people busy in making resolutions, I will tell you mine:
Dreaming big is a good thing, but dont expect all your dreams to be fulfilled in one go Why dont you try modularizing your dreams, i.e. divide the big one into smaller chunks? And see the happiness which you get when a small chunk of your dream sees the light of the day. Thats how I do it!
So bring on all catastrophes, all drama..we know how to handle them
Note to myself : This year visit 2 new places and one has to be Pondicherry - my wish for the last 8.5 years in Bangalore. If no one comes along, I go alone
Jodi tor daak shune keyu naa aashe tobey ekla cholo re(If no one comes along when you call out, walk alone)
And a very happy birthday to my brother, December is a month of birthdays in my house. I know he never reads my blog, yet I would like to accumulate wishes for him