Nadir

I feel like I am falling down in an abyss daily
It's not a free fall, a free fall would hurt less

But with my eyes wide open I am getting rubbed against each debris around me
Gathering all the dirt and pain
The lies and deceit, the web of master strokes people weave around you
Catching you off guard

People who were supposed to protect and shield you..

Sometimes I wish I could blind fold myself and have a free fall.. 
At least have the exhilarating sense of speed

But that's not a luxury I am entitled too

So I watch and get hurt... Knowing well and sure that one day I am about to hit the base
Not sure anything in me would remain by the time I reach my nadir!

Sharing cos it does not leave me alone

It was Christmas time, a log time ago
Something looked very mysterious about the way clouds overdid the sun and candle lights would show up in houses during day time.
It made me dream and imagine things I cant put my words into

We had tenants who were christians and had invited us to a chirstmas party that year 25th december

But the cold grew into chilly waves and my father decided against going anywhere..
I was (and still am) the kind of person who has to see a plan take off and get done

It makes me edgy, lost and feel like a loser if I dont execute something I want to..or planned
So I fought and argued but at the age of 10, there is hardly much you can do or control anything

So that 25th December sat heavy on my heart for years, tormenting me in various forms

How we always want to live a part or a moment we could not,
How it torments us, that kandeel(paper lamps) I imagined and could not see comes in my dreams and even waking moments
Its something I was supposed to live but did not

That same moist sunless day tantalizes me with some promises, promises which it did not make but I held it reposnsible for

Those childhood/adolescence particles of hope and desire and magic never let go of us..has us in its grips for life..more so if they are unfulfilled

Dance does you good

If someone has not danced in life, they must try it once
Its liberating..
Just moving and controlling your own body gives you such a sense of being alive

And my new dance classes are doing me good.

For my body and my ego-boost too

Today I was not so well, so I messaged the teacher that I might not be able to come

She messaged back saying "Please try and come, I have called all the girls to suit your timing."
I was a little surprised and irked, cos I never asked her to call them, plus she wasn't paying attention to the fact that I wasn't well.

So I replied saying, I can try and come but I wont dance.
To that she said, take care of your health and don't come if you really can not

I went nevertheless, cos dance is my weakness.
When I went, no one had arrived yet and she had the music playing on full blast.

She checked with me if I would like to do some warm up, and brush up the steps.
I said yes and started, but tried to under play it, so as not to exert.

But as we progressed, I got into the groove and was full on.
My creaking knees mutely protested, but I ignored.

When you are in love, do you pay heed to anyone who says anything against your lover..its the same between me and dance.

And while I was dancing, she stopped and looked at me with admiration and said "You have amazing body language. All the girls are coming cos they want to see you dance. They keep talking about you, how you are in a different league all together.
That's why I wanted you so much to come today and show them the steps I want to teach them".

Ha....so what am I now? A pin-up girl for the dance class, a display model is it??

........Well, I am loving it!!!

I can do so much for dance.

wo banda hi kya hai, jo naache na gaaye..aa haathon mein tu haath thaam le