Osmosis

When all the hate is gone, maybe cos of time or cos of your own prejudices giving way
Then there is an osmosis

Osmosis is a movement of solvent from the less concentrated to the more concentrated solution,, which tends to reduce the difference in concentrations

So when the hatred and anger moves out of their portion in my heart, all the love comes gushing in, soaking me in it

Cos there is only so much love that you can muster, only so much hatred that you can give, only so much grief which you are capable of feeling

Like a pendulum, which can oscillate only in the confines of its highest amplitude

What after that?

So I sit there, in love with all of them, whom I have hated earnestly

Workaholics

I have a theory for workaholics. And please dont judge me for that

I think workaholics are the ones who derive their self-esteem only and only from their work. They are the ones with no great talent, no interest in anything apart from what brings them money

This whole idea of working 16 hours at work and even burning your Saturdays on excel, blackberry, clients is just beyond me

I could have been something bigger(by societal definitions), had I spent the same amount of time at work as many others.

But I need my outlets, I need to run away all the time..that is what defines me

I am happy with what I earn, which might be much less than what people with my qualification and experience might be earning in general

I have heard that I am not ambitious enough, but that pricks me only for a bit..nothing more nothing less

I dont feel envious of any one's life..thats good enough for me. I just have one answer to all this - I dont lead their lives and they dont lead mine. We will never know who is happier and how!

What do I need in life?

I have a house which I can call my own.
When I feel like buying a dress, I dont think twice.
I can take a vacation once in a while and go some place nice, stay at a nice place..eat at best hotels..all on my own accord.

And God has endowed me with this admirable capability to wish and crave for only what I can afford, as on date. Cravings increase as I increase my salary.

I might not own a Gucci bag worth $2000 but I am happy with my hi-design. I may not be able to afford a trip to Venice right away, but the pretty places around me captivate me equally.

If I buy a jeans from commercial which hugs my body better than yours, which might be 4 times in price, then I have no qualms in standing next to you. Does that make you look better or me?

I give definition to what I wear, its not otherwise. One just needs confidence in themselves in any and everything that they do. And brands cant buy you confidence. If they do, then you seriously need to sit back and think about who you are.

God has a design for all of us

People often tell me, you are in wrong profession. You are way too artistic and talented to be in IT.
Why dint you take up dancing as career? You can still take up writing seriously!
Dint you ever want to go for modelling?

There are times I feel that if I dont work, there will still me so much of life in me and so many interests to pursue.
Sometimes I feel like leaving all of this and submerging in dance, or maybe indulge in writing, or devote to yoga ..there are so many mysteries in the world I have not unraveled..and anything might interest me..the moment I realise my interest and aptitude for it
Then there is fashion which interests me, sometimes I see something good and feel that I can improvise on this to make it better. I gain interest in types of fabrics, types of design and feel like starting something of my own

But with time and self-reading, I have realised that answer to all that is NO.
I would never want to make things I am passionate about, a means to meet my ends.
Am happy to go to a dance class and learn dance from someone whom I could have taught, had a taken it too seriously. Writing on this blog and having few people like what I write is good enough for me

The day I turn all this into a profession, or any of it...The day I try making it more serious and rational..I will lose it all
Then they will become what my work is to me right now, something to keep me busy and provide EMI for my house loan..thats all!
And I would never like that.

So it fine with me to go about my day uninspired, but have a cocoon in my heart where all my desires lie

The dance, the blog..my happy places to be
With this consolation that inspite of my job, I have a life away from it..and IF IF I wish to leave job..I will still have that life inside me
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Having said all that there is a small confession to make. There is this man in my project, an American. He is the heart of this project. Must be 50. Married 3 times(so I heard) and looks fit as a fiddle.
This guy has impressed me like noone else did in a long long time. His passion for this project has defined this project for all of us. He is online his time early morning, our time afternoon...like a ghost he is always present.
He supersedes everyone, from technical to domain to logistics to process to..god knows what. Its amazing how some 100s of us can be so preoccupied with what we do and not have much idea about what others are doing in the same project. But he has answers to each one of us, to the smallest detail

But I got to know he resigned yesterday. Reason - His health is not keeping up with his pace of work. He has something wrong with his heart and has been advised rest for many months. And when he gets back, he would start his own business

Was very sad yesterday cos of this.And I wished I had the same fire in me for this kind of work, but that wish lasted only for a fraction of time, and fizzled out the very next moment I went to you tube to watch a scene from some Italian movie

Maashi....Chocate

You omit the L's and R's
Chocolate is "chocate" and rain is "ane"
And I love saying it the way you do

"Broom" is for some reason "baate" for you
And we sisters also sometimes refer to it as "baate", in our conversations :)
You kids have a strange way of getting into elders brain

But gradually I see you correcting your words now..
I feel the pride, but at the same time some god-forsaken sorrow creeps in
"Cream" is still "Cheem" for you...as yet...hope you never get it right

My sweet valentine this year
तू जिगर दा टुकड़ा ,you are my शोना शोना मुखड़ा

Yet again thoughts of love were on my mind..and the whys which go with it

How much of negativity can a person spread with words and how much of it can one take?
I look for love around, but there is so much of un-love swarming around me that I get back to being my wrong self
In words, in actions, in disapprovals and indifference..there is just too much of un-love sitting around the corner to grab you
Its like some people are out there to jinx all your happiness, even from a distance they can cast a spell, like voo-doo, like black magic

But no, hush, I had love in my mind today..of discourses over coffee or wine in a secluded bar, wishing to be in a stupor
Of my eva-de-clogne minglign with someone's musk
Of a season of the mind which is like reckless new year celebration on goan streets

Love is a state of mind, its a point in you, a point to the center of your being

You can love someone only when you are at peace with yourself,
When you are like that piece of cotton which can absorb everything, ever giving and ever receiving

But when you love cos you are disturbed or not in love with yourself, then you are actually trying to run away from yourself...diving into another person.
You can never love in a disturbed state of your mind, cos then you are actually unloving yourself, in the process of loving someone else
And an un-love for yourself never lasts...it can become an obsession..but never love. So when the other person does not love you back, you start taking out layers off that person, robbing him/her of all adornments you made that person shine with earlier. But its not so much peeling off layers from that person , as much about your loathing for your own weakness, which you realise with time. You are just removing shards of your own personality by owing or disowning things in another

So what do we see in another when we love?
Apart from all those desired qualities you seek in a person: viz honesty, integrity and all that crap, one thing I have heard most from people(and I say it too) is that sense of humor is something which can keep 2 people glued together.

But then is it just about the person's ability to make you laugh? Well, in that case one can go and watch a really cool comedy movie, isnt it?

No, love is that part of you which you will always love, that only part which you will respect in yourself

Love happens when that person pulls your center with a centrifugal force, out on the surface,
You are spilling all over, you are too much to bear, your aura has taken a different colour overnight
And universe is so happy with your "muchness"

Your edges are scathed and sparkle,
In fights and in banal talks, you feel the whole of you

Unlike some people, for whom love is just running away from themselves.Who try to negate every bit of you, who pick ulterior motive in all that you do or say, whose inadequacy starts showing up in you, whose bitterness spills all over you..such people are in-capable of loving, cos their own complexes will never let them love anyone

Sometimes I wonder if its the strong ones who have to bear the cacophony of the weak? Sometimes the strength that you exhibit, can be taken against you, to wear you down. So much that you start condemning your own strength.Just cos, they can not get to the core of you(but keep telling you that you dont have a core and they have you all figured out!)

You can become the same with them, and then its a spiral downwards. The next person you are with, you will spill your venom on him/her and the chain continues


For those who are ensconced in the grandeur of their own thoughts and believes..

Incidentally love is, and will always be about you, yourself

May each one of you find a valentine, to cherish this year..new or old..but someone your own..so much you

She sells sea shells at the sea shore

"Have we got all the stuff for making sandwiches for tomorrow morning?"

"Should I take 5 dresses for a this 3 days trip?You never know how things go?"

"God am tired of matching accessories with clothes, so I will take all of them and see what goes with what later.."

"Lets carry some booze for the journey, makes the journey easier..how many beers for you?"

How I love such frenzied talks, the night before we embark on a journey..and each time we make the same mistake of over-carrying..but do it again and again..

So I finally did my Pondicherry trip, I have been aiming at, for so many years

I want to store glimpses of it on the blog:

The Stay
I had an amazing sea view room, which would always surprise me when I went to the balcony..to have a view of it while I had tea or breezer:
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Strolling around the beach road is delightful, just by itself..doing nothing..

As I watched the sea waves breaking at the rocky shore, it made me feel as if sea is a passionate lover of the shore
It would come and break itself at the stoic shore, which would stand at its place unmoved
The sea would retreat, only to come back with the same vigor and be broken again...in its steadfast effort to woo the shore

During the day, sea's tranquility would make me feel as if its telling the shore:
"Pleas love me now, I will show you the real me in the night"..and so it does

Maybe its for the shore, or maybe moon is its secret lover...sea never tells
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French Colony
One of my main fascination for this place was its french colony. I found it intriguing that french people stay there as normal residents. I wonder why they chose to, after in 1954 Pondicherry was handed over to India.
Pondicherry is also know as "The French Riviera of the East" (La Côte d'Azur de l'Est).Pondicherry was designed based on the French (originally Dutch) grid pattern and features neat sectors and perpendicular streets. The town is divided into two sections: the French Quarter (Ville Blanche or 'White town') and the Indian quarter (Ville Noire or 'Black Town'). Many streets still retain their French names, and French style villas are a common sight. In the French quarter, the buildings are typically colonial style with long compounds and stately walls

I took pictures of these people, roaming around in bikes, very cool
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Shopping
There is this really pretty store, inside auro ville, for hand printed clothes and home stuff, called "Mira Boutique", where I went little overboard with shopping. It has amazing collection of finest cotton and silk, in both indian and western style, all hand printed. And compared to similar store like "Fabindia", its quite reasonable:
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Eat Outs
I went to a place called "Sat sanga", which people at hotel suggested, for its authentic french food. Apart from me, there was only one another indian crowd. The whole place was full of french people otherwise.
It was fun hearing all that "Je", "Si" around me.

This place had bad service. Was told upfront that we can get a seat, but it wont be before 45 minutes that I can expect food to be served.
Where we sat, the table spread was dirty with food, I asked the waiter to change it. He said there is no change for that, just took that dirty table cloth, threw food aside and put it back, the other way.
Well, if not for all the pain I took in walking from hotel to this place, I would have walked off
But the food compensated for it. Very tasty and very reasonable, at least compared to Bangalore.

There was another place I went to, the next evening, called "Le Club". Very nice ambiance, full of life and service much better
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Aurobindo Asharm
The only word to describe this place is serene. I marvelled at the quiet maintained by one and all inside.
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Cute ones
The paradise beach is the only sand beach in Pondicherry, so people who expect goa kind of experience at the beach, will be disappointed. Dont go to pondicherry for the beach experience.

And there are boats which go to paradise, which closes by 4.30. And back from there by 6. They have just one shack there, with limited variety of food and drinks.
Most placed in Pondicherry close entrance by 4.30, even auro village.

Found some cute kids with me at the beach shack, one of the girls used to beat her chest whenever she cried. I could not help laughing at that..












I loved the other name of Pondicherry, which is Puducherry(It was renamed in 2006). I would chant it many times as it sounds very cute "Puducherry..Puducherry.."

So people, I have achieved at least one of my new year resolves. Please judge yourslef as to how have you guys fared, compared to me :P

Cheers to that..



Lost this anklet to the sea..