One of those things

In my last post I talked about lots of things being on my mind...
One of it was me getting on stage with kathak, after 15 years

As you grow, you lose so much of yourself, which can only be revived by doing what you love doing

And in times like these, when you are trying to regain yourself, you realise how much of you has been lost

You find yourself little mellow, in everything you do...or everything that was so you

And kathak was such a thing for me

And I felt I could not be what I used to be (even though the bit I wad doing was no where close to what I used to perform earlier, in terms of complexity), and that made me little shaky..
I could not do that stuff by letting my vigor be chipped away

And for that reason I created multiple reasons in my mind, and told my sister that I wont take part

Cos she was the one who had organised this whole show, to showcase her institute and her students along with a kathak dance teacher caller Murari(who incidentally knew my guru too) and his students

This sister is the one I wrote about here :
http://memoriesofaworldelsewhere.blogspot.in/2011/08/she-is-doing-her-bit.html

and here:
http://memoriesofaworldelsewhere.blogspot.in/2010/09/presenting-malvika.html

I said "I dont like the girl I am dancing with, she doesnt give me right vibes"
then "I am not his student so I guess he is not interested in involving me in this programme" (I was like a guest dancer and not his regular student. But I was the one who initiated this and asked her to ask him to include me in his compositions)
and another "I wanted to do this cos I hoped a more enjoyable experience and an environment of dance and music, but thats not happening here, since they practice separately and I am just like an add-on"

But for some reason she was so adamant on me performing. She said if I dont like the girl, she would ask him to let me do this solo, etc etc. And finally I gave it a shot.
More to try myself than for anything else.

And gradually the enthusisam started creeping in.
When we had the final stage practice, I felt so different.

I was that girl who used to be so sure of herself on stage, I always knew all eyes are glued on me when I dance.
I would look at people in their eyes while dancing and would see them looking at me and that gave me a high
But this time I had no clue, I just wanted to get thru it.

But after that stage rehearsal, when I went down, all the women there(sister's students) gave me a boost which I have been lacking.
Some said "You are far more elegant than the other woman"
Some "I could not take my eyes off you"
And I got my reward in small ways, dance must be in my veins

Here we go again...after 15 years

Dance does you good

If someone has not danced in life, they must try it once
Its liberating..
Just moving and controlling your own body gives you such a sense of being alive

And my new dance classes are doing me good.

For my body and my ego-boost too

Today I was not so well, so I messaged the teacher that I might not be able to come

She messaged back saying "Please try and come, I have called all the girls to suit your timing."
I was a little surprised and irked, cos I never asked her to call them, plus she wasn't paying attention to the fact that I wasn't well.

So I replied saying, I can try and come but I wont dance.
To that she said, take care of your health and don't come if you really can not

I went nevertheless, cos dance is my weakness.
When I went, no one had arrived yet and she had the music playing on full blast.

She checked with me if I would like to do some warm up, and brush up the steps.
I said yes and started, but tried to under play it, so as not to exert.

But as we progressed, I got into the groove and was full on.
My creaking knees mutely protested, but I ignored.

When you are in love, do you pay heed to anyone who says anything against your lover..its the same between me and dance.

And while I was dancing, she stopped and looked at me with admiration and said "You have amazing body language. All the girls are coming cos they want to see you dance. They keep talking about you, how you are in a different league all together.
That's why I wanted you so much to come today and show them the steps I want to teach them".

Ha....so what am I now? A pin-up girl for the dance class, a display model is it??

........Well, I am loving it!!!

I can do so much for dance.

wo banda hi kya hai, jo naache na gaaye..aa haathon mein tu haath thaam le