Massakali jara mattakali

Some body asked me today..hey I do not understand the meaning of this song.."massakali jara mattakali..tadi se mud ada se ud..chal fur fur..tujhe hero banana re.." do you get it?
I could not reply for a second..and then I smiled within..and felt like telling her..

If this song does not stir something in you..if it does not make you feel light and vibrant and smile...how can I explain it..
No I can not....how does one define meaning of words and sentences which are meaningless yet express a lot?

well you would understand this song only if you are one "masakkali" ;)

The sea that never was...

I thought there was a sea inside you
So took a plunge to discover its mysteries
But I erred, marred by my vision
Cos the water was shallow
And I got hurt
By the shallowness of your being

If Only!

He was couple of years younger to her...and a junior in college
But right from the very first day she saw him..she knew there was something about him..and she also knew that he could sense the same

Though they barely spoke in the very 1st meeting..he was a little zombied fresher..and she was surrounded by her friends..and was a senior

And then in the next few months her life changed..as if all that she thought of love,all her naive feelings and innocent dreams, were coming alive..She was singing all her unsung songs..

She woke up with his thoughts in mind..drifted along the day in a dream..slept smiling at the world with his thoughts again
Everything she did, this constant feeling of him being around was there..maybe he would come to the canteen..or maybe she would see him running down the stairs..

They both knew there was something special goign on...even while she talked with him of other guys and he about other women...teasing..flirting..laughing..singing

He was like a part of her..yet so different from her..the beautiful medley of contradictions

And one day, when she was leaving that place for ever..having finished her course..he asked her out..and while they were together he held her hand for one brief moment..maybe a few seconds..and as if something melted within..she felt like an alien to herself...alien to this new feeling which was overpowering her

Then she left the place..and he wrote letters to her..but she dint know what she wanted out of this..she dint know if she could survive this love that she felt inside..but all the while, she couldnt think of anything else

And one day..when they met..and he said "I have a cursh on you..you must have sensed..tell me were you ever attracted to me in any way?"

And she lied...

cos she knew truth would land her somewhere she wasnt comfortable being..she wasnt comfortable being in love...so she said "No never", with as placid a face as she could manage
That was the biggest lie of her life...
On that he said "Thats ok..I wont keep in touch now cos I dont want to deal with one sided feeling".
She wanted to revert the whole thing..to let go of her inhibitions and tell him she has no other thought in her mind but him, since the time she met him..

but she wouldnt..that wasnt meant to be

And even today she wonders..would things be different if she had answered differently..should she regret?

On a hindsight she feels..it ended as it was meant to..beautiful as long as it existed

Tagged

I have been tagged by Raina. She had tagged me earlier but I never got around to answering them, as I dont take it as a time pass..but a huge task.
So here I go..as true to myself as I can get

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was told that my mom and mausis were watching a movie "Phir bhi"(very lesser known) and they liked the name "Sumi"..and thats where my nick name comes from..and my mom feels that naming me after that character has affected my life too in some way :)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
If crying means tears flowing out, then I cant really remember..or maybe I do..some days back when I fought with my sister


3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I used to..it has deteriorated with time..as everything else


4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Fish..it has Omega 3 you see..am a health freak


5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not as yet..have planned many times though :)


6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would certainly admire that other person..friends not sure of


7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
People tell me I do..but its never intentional

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope..was taken out when I was 11


9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
With time I have become scared of lots of things...so dont think I would do this


10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL
Musseli..fruit one


11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I hardly wear shoes..but when I do..I usually untie them before taking them off


12. IF YOU WERE TO PICK YOU OWN FIRST NAME, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Definitely not the one I have...noone pronounces it correctly..hmm maybe a simpler one

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Not so much into ice creams..Vanilla my fav flaour if I have to choose

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The way they talk..voice and mannerisms

15. RED OR PINK?
Red


16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Procrastination

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Myself..as I was years ago

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I am not tagging anyone..so no expectations in this regard

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Am not wearing any of those things right now

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Mar jawaan - Fashion..latest favorite

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Pink

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Davidoff Cool Waters..if you ask me perfume

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A friend...

25. HOW DO YOU KNOW THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
My cousin

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cricket

27. HAIR COLOR?
Brown

28. EYE COLOR?
Black

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Thai...any preparation with lemon grass and basil

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Dev D

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Thats a very lame and boring question..dont wanna answer


34. SUMMER OR WINTER
Winter

35. HUGS OR KISSES
Both..am greedy :)

36. DESCRIBE YOUR PENCIL CUP
I don’t have one

38. FAVORITE ARTIST(s)?
In which sphere?I need more specific question

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Lolita...its chilling

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Dont have one

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Watching Splirsvilla 2 right now

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
I wish I had so many favorites..

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Not into english much

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
US of A

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
So many...can dance, can sing(though some people might not agree with me), can write..and can cook well if given the recipe


46. WHERE WERE U BORN?
Patna

47. FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY?
Junk jwellery..earing..bracelet...anything

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Presumptuous question

49. FAVORITE SONG?
ALl favs cant be listed..but the latest is..Rehna tu..and mar jaawan

50.Favorite Musical?
Mama Mia..love the song "I see you slipping away each day" (Have not got the words right but loved the way it was picturised).Though I dont have a daughter but could totally get into the emotions

Time is the worst enemy
It just goes by..touching everything with its harshness
Taking away all the moisture..leaving them dry
Taking away thier sweetness...leaving forgetfullness

I dont know why they say..time is the best healer??!!

A Cuppa Tea

"Ek cup chai peeyogi" (Will you have a cup of tea?)..one question asked predominately in my hostel during my college days

This question would ignite a lot of discussions and arguments..."who would make it".."what all do we talk about while having tea"..

That one cup of tea meant much more than just tea leaf,sugar and milk..
It meant uniting...gossiping...fun...camraderie and much more




I remember this cup of tea used to be my constant companion during all my difficult days
When I was taking my first board exams ,every one in house used to be out..and I had preparation leaves..
I used to be alone...so I discovered that a cup of tea could give me company when noone was around

Then came my bachelor days...with tea as constant companion

And then my MCA days..where our exams could not be held without tea..a constant debate over who would make it...but nevertheless we all loved it...

And then my initial years as a professional...in Hyderabad..me and my roomie

At 2 in the night my roomie and I would not be able to sleep....so this sudden desire to have tea would engulf us...all our conversations and gossips were punctuated with cups of tea...as if tea entailed all that

My roomie would ask me "Raji wanna cup of tea" and with anticipation I would say "yes".
On that she would say "Then go and make it" and we would burst out in laughter...then it dint matter who made tea..I dont even recall

these tea leaves..they dont know what good they bring with them...
conversations...good feeling...happiness and companionship

tes is tea...nothing can fight it..not even alcohol :)



I wish I could get back those carefree days of tea and talks...gay abandon and reckelss laughter...drenching in the rain and forgetting consequences..

Whenever I think of those days..I cant believe it was the same me...
when happiness was always aorund...and nothing seemed impossible
When we thought of world is a playgourd...and not as a war field

Love begins with tea :) and even if it does not...tea is enough to hold me together

I wish love could be as fresh and fulfilling as tea...over and over again

Rehna Tu...

Its Gulzaar (using "z" as per a comment from a friend that I use "j" where I should use "z") once again..but this time particularly for one song I chanced upon

Update - Sorry my sis told me it is Prasoon Joshi...I was being presumtuous here, but considering my love for Gulzar and the likeness of this lyrics with his style, I can pardon myself for this goof up :)

Its from this new unreleased movie "Delhi 6", music by AR Rehman..

The words make me want someone to write it for me :)

"Rehna tu, hai jaisa tu
Thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon
Dheema dheema jhonka, ya fir junoon"

Love the floaty feel of the words and the music..but would have liked it if someone else other than Rahman had sung it..he kind of takes away the romance from the song..reminds me of his "Vande Mataram" and I dont think I am supposed to feel patriotic for this one

But anyways...all that not withstanding..I am falling in love with this song...purely for its words

"Thoda sa resham tu humdum
thoda sa khurdura
kabhi to ad jaye ya lad jaye
ya kkhushboo se bhara"..

...hmm isnt that me? Sweet at times and bitter other times
At least in my imagination I am ...:)

"Tujhe badalna na chahoon
ratti bhar bhi sanam
bina sajawat milawat
na jyada na hi kam"

...dont we all want to be wanted the way we are..someone who loves us as we are?

"tujhe chahoon jaise hai tu
mujhe teri baarish mein bheegna hai ghul jaana
tujhe chahoon jaise hai tu
mujhe teri lapat mein jalana raakh ho jaana"..

such passion..love or madness..reminds me of ameer khusro's lines
"ishq mujhko nahin vahshat hi sahi" (Maybe I am not in love but in a madness)

I always imagined myself to be that "baarish" and that "lapat" that he talks about..someone who breathes in the very essence of me...burns in my magic :)