Nadir

I feel like I am falling down in an abyss daily
It's not a free fall, a free fall would hurt less

But with my eyes wide open I am getting rubbed against each debris around me
Gathering all the dirt and pain
The lies and deceit, the web of master strokes people weave around you
Catching you off guard

People who were supposed to protect and shield you..

Sometimes I wish I could blind fold myself and have a free fall.. 
At least have the exhilarating sense of speed

But that's not a luxury I am entitled too

So I watch and get hurt... Knowing well and sure that one day I am about to hit the base
Not sure anything in me would remain by the time I reach my nadir!

We are epics..if we choose to be

I am a scavenger
I like to dig into people, know them like no one else could have ever known them

Fears they lived, stories untold
Laughter brazen...shyness unfold

The magic each of us is, the epic we all are made of

We were born with souls of lost mermaids
And the spirit of sea ghosts, we never ever saw

Though at times...the mermaid and the sea ghost lives in me
And in those moments
I want to hush the sound of every other being

And close my eyes to those sounds..from far away sea..
A sea whose waves splash inside me

My beautiful

Are we meant to feel stupid and frivolous for the smallest bit of euphoric feeling we have had in our lives

Feel silly for those pockets of our moments which felt like dream..or like a feeling we knew we would cherish forever!

Just cos it was not meant to last..or it did not last in-spite of our efforts to make it last?

I love the small in all of it...I yearn for such tiny things in people that I could die to just hear "are you home?" said in a way which makes me feel as if home is all around me..home is in the person who asks me that question in the most delicious tone

I feel we all bask in something special we did in our lives...something which could not be part of us forever..even if the person we experienced it with is part of it all

Its not just a lover

I feel the big in the night I spent with a close cousin getting high on rum and coke till 7 A.M
I find the beautiful in my birthday that my friends in B.I.T spent some 20 years back for me, just me blowing the candles

The beautiful, the grand is just a sparkle..in the canvas of life
You just got to recognize seek and cherish it

Start light..star bright

This feeling to be close to nature is coming so strong these days
Don't know, if it has to do with my Aaru?

Its the fact that I want him to witness all things beautiful and grand in this life and universe
....and nature is the grandest of it all..
..the waterfalls, the butterfly-filled garden and most of it...STAR LIT SKY

I keep downloading nursery rhymes for him(I learnt so many cos of him and he is so addicted to me singing it to him) and there is this one which goes
"Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight"

There is this panda opening a window, all big eyed and running out into the field, looking at start, climbing a ladder sky high to touch the stars, meeting birds on the way

I just found it so close to my heart, yet so out of reach..mysterious and shrouded in some memory from another life

I have seen the moon and stars lying on my back on my terrace and sleeping through the night on the terrace
Watching stars, tracing the question mark(constellation) and each time being overwhelmed by a sense of victory on finding it and also marveling at it

I wonder if I could give the same childhood to Aaru..I show him pictures of moon but struggle to show him real moon from the apartment

The nature in its richness and beauty is an answer to so many things, if only I could go close to it and experience the bliss

Rain, stars, sea, the roar..ocean ...beauty beauty beauty in abundance
Every single part of nature, has the capacity to take you away from mundane and the pain

I wish some day..some day soon...I could show the real stars to Aaru..which he so sweetly shows me with his hand movements

Master piece

The way you remember yourself, no one in the world does
And the one who does, is the one to be with

The one who would weave you back,
Putting your most beautiful pieces together..

And make you the masterpiece you were born as

Rain rain...dont go away

It was raining heavily yesterday..and I wanted to get drenched
The desire to get soaked and just let myself be in the downpour was so intense

There was a time when I used to do it back home, every year on the terrace..at the onset of monsoon

But this time, the posh apartment, lack of my own big balcony or terrace..the people around stopped me

I wanted to hold Aaru and let him experience this beauty of rains..the amalgam of heaven and the earth..me and him.
But his ear infctions..him small nose and ear passages which make him prone to lots of disease , stopped me further

I just wish a time would come..when mt inhibitions..his ailments mean nothing

And I can just hold him under the sky...with the rain dropping on us

From sanity.. to insanity ..and back

It has been a long run

From sanity.. to insanity ..and back

It happens with me every day now
The absolute power of the unknown to destroy me
And something hale and hearty within me which stops it