My Teacher

Yesterday I got to know that my kathak dance teacher , Shri Madhukar Anand, expired of liver cancer.
He was a young man, must be 39-40.

After I heard this, something broke inside. Something which I held so dear to me, something very core to my being.

It was as if a part of my childhood , my adolescence, my youth, was cut off from me.

I still remember the first time I met him, a shy sweet looking guy with a smile lurking around his lips.
I was new to the class, all of 10 years, did not know if I would fit into the class, did not know whether my mom's assesment of my dancing abilities were true. (My mom had put 3 of us into dancing and singing, thinking we had the talent).

He had asked a set of girls (including me and my 2 sisters) to do some steps and very hesitantly, but with concentration, I tried emulating him. After we all repeated after him, he pointed at me and said "She is doing it perfectly"...
Cant explain what I felt that time. It was that deciding moment when I thought that I wanted to learn dance for as long as I could. And I wanted him as my teacher.
I still remember that moment so clearly..after 24 years!


He was a dancer with tremendous potential. Very few male dancers can dance so gracefully and elegantly and carry themselves, the way he did.
A charming person, non-exhibitionist, humble with a terrific sense of humour.
A very affable person, whom one could get to like instantly...curly hair, disarming smile, good looking..

We would be practicing for some program, and then break into splits cos of his funny comments on someone dancing vaguely. My younger sis, Belu, also used to be butt of his jokes. She was a bad dancer, very thin and gawky at that time. He used to say she dances like Amitabh Bachchan :)

I used to look forward to my dance classes all through the week. Looked forward to learn dance, to explore my capability, to be appreciated and admonished by him. And if for some reason, he wasnt there for any class, I would be so listless, as if the entire week had gone to waste.

Sometimes in the class, he would call me aside,ask me to stand in the front and do some tukda, to show to the class. Then he would tell them "This is called elegance and delicacy. I want all of you to do it with this grace".
My heart swelled, my eyes shone, I felt light...and fell in love with him for making me feel so special and unique, for letting me know my own capabilities.
His saying "She is my favorite student", is something I treasure as one of the most valuable things in my life.

After 6 years of association, we went our ways. He went to Delhi, to learn from Pt. Birju Maharaj and I started concentrating on studies and career aspirations.
I met him once in between, during my studies , and he told me "If you had concentrated on dance, you would have been a great dancer". But probably I did not have the guts to puruse a career which was uncertain.

Then he got married and our dance institute held a program to felicitate him. I performed and he came backstage to give me a 100 rupee note and said "I could not believe you could emote so well".

So many times during all these years I thought of meeting him again, dancing and knowing from him if I have bettered or worsened. I kept imagining how will it be to see him again..and now I would never get to see him!
Fills me with a strange feeling of loss and hollowness..wish one could act quicker than life, cos people just go...leaving behind a sense of "never again"..

I know that we did not keep in touch for 15 years or so, and his passing away does not make any difference in my day to day life...but there are certain people who are icons in one's life, someone you look upto, someone with whom you associate some of your very fond memories and they become an intergral part of your life.

I dont know how important I was to him, but he was such a person for me. A shining, smiling figure..