If Only!

He was couple of years younger to her...and a junior in college
But right from the very first day she saw him..she knew there was something about him..and she also knew that he could sense the same

Though they barely spoke in the very 1st meeting..he was a little zombied fresher..and she was surrounded by her friends..and was a senior

And then in the next few months her life changed..as if all that she thought of love,all her naive feelings and innocent dreams, were coming alive..She was singing all her unsung songs..

She woke up with his thoughts in mind..drifted along the day in a dream..slept smiling at the world with his thoughts again
Everything she did, this constant feeling of him being around was there..maybe he would come to the canteen..or maybe she would see him running down the stairs..

They both knew there was something special goign on...even while she talked with him of other guys and he about other women...teasing..flirting..laughing..singing

He was like a part of her..yet so different from her..the beautiful medley of contradictions

And one day, when she was leaving that place for ever..having finished her course..he asked her out..and while they were together he held her hand for one brief moment..maybe a few seconds..and as if something melted within..she felt like an alien to herself...alien to this new feeling which was overpowering her

Then she left the place..and he wrote letters to her..but she dint know what she wanted out of this..she dint know if she could survive this love that she felt inside..but all the while, she couldnt think of anything else

And one day..when they met..and he said "I have a cursh on you..you must have sensed..tell me were you ever attracted to me in any way?"

And she lied...

cos she knew truth would land her somewhere she wasnt comfortable being..she wasnt comfortable being in love...so she said "No never", with as placid a face as she could manage
That was the biggest lie of her life...
On that he said "Thats ok..I wont keep in touch now cos I dont want to deal with one sided feeling".
She wanted to revert the whole thing..to let go of her inhibitions and tell him she has no other thought in her mind but him, since the time she met him..

but she wouldnt..that wasnt meant to be

And even today she wonders..would things be different if she had answered differently..should she regret?

On a hindsight she feels..it ended as it was meant to..beautiful as long as it existed