Memories

At times the memories
Just clutch her heart in a tight grip
Unaware..unwanted
And squeeze it hard..make it devoid of its resilience
Making her pant hard for a breath of air..
Stifled, zapped, unguarded she stands..against the blow of a whiff of memory

Slowly her heart gathers its wit...comes back in shape
She breathes..she smiles again
Happy to let go ghosts of memories..

Nobody is happy with reality
Everyone loves the make belief they live in
So why not give them what they want?

Let them live a little..let them smile a bit

Helplessness

Writing on this blog has become a matter of contemplation for me now.
Cos I am beginning to doubt the whole purpose of it

I started this blog, to write what I wanted and share with people..
With people I knew and people whom I could know..through the blog world

But I dint make this blog for people I did not like and did not want any comments coming from them..I dint want to think twice before writing anything on this blog, since it could elicit unwanted comments

But the same seem to be happening and it just fills me with helplessness and despair..

How can some people be so shameless and so selfish and unconcerned about others?
How can they just think they can barge in anyone's life and write whatever they want as comments on my blog?

My blog is for me..for my happiness..not theirs!

I tried blocking anonymous comments, I tried blocking specific people...but to no avail..and I am not a pro in blogging sphere to know what more to do and I really don't want to wreck my nerve over this

But each time I see an unwanted comment, my temper goes for a toss..and I have to admit I am not very good at controlling it

People write theories..which they think is the truth of life..and everyone should believe it..
People who don't even know what truth means..who are so convoluted in their own brains that the only respite for them is to tamper with others peace of mind

They make false ids to vent out their depression/desperation whatever..

A point has come where I have stopped reading those comments..for my benefit..
But I am left thinking..what kind of people are these?

Love or self?

Sometimes I think, whats the most important thing for a human..love or self?

Is there any love..which goes above the self? Which can surpass all barriers created by the ego?

If so, then should I presume that when it becomes difficult to talk to people, not cos of any heart breaking incident..but cos of some useless moments of arguments and stupid discussions..which leads to non-talking modes, that the ego surpasses love?

Sometimes it has also happened that such small reasons have led to total rift in relationships..when people could not resolve trivial issues..could never reach out to the other person..just cos of this thing called ego

In such cases, the reason for the fight is so trivial that often people don't even remember what caused it..all they recall is that they don't wish to see this other person again and meeting them is an unpleasant event

For some relationships..it does not even matter whether you talk again or not..maybe cos you did not like those people enough to begin with..so if such a relationship breaks...its no love lost..and you are more than happy to let go

But with some people..who you have always loved..you don't understand why it gets so difficult

People say..love always exists...that in spite of fights, some love conquer it all..

But I say..when that love does not show often..when that love does not reach you..when that love is not something you can vouch for or depend on..which does not go beyond the chains of ego..then I guess it is in its process of disappearing..

Probably we wouldn't even know when it goes..we wouldn't even accept it..but our heart knows its gone

It used to be so easy to forget the differences and enjoying each others company superseded trivial differences..I used to think inner happiness brings about ease in relationships..if you are happy with the world..you bring the same sunshine in each of your relationships..then why do sometimes seemingly happy people hurt others?

And in all this..each one of us would think that they are right..but in reality..each one of us is as wrong as the other person!

The mind cant think
When burdened by the mundane

Grown up or yet to be?

As a kid I always used to wonder..what is it that differentiates me from the grown ups..why am I called a child and they adults?
Why don't I get the kind of respect they get..why do the so called adults dismiss me off the way they do?
Is it what I say does not make sense to them (to me they perfectly did) or is it the way I look?
I analyzed..scrutinized..racked my brain every day..trying to find a reasonable reason, which made the adults and me stand apart
And one day a thought crossed me..I guess it has to do with the way I climb the stairs..I always used to climb 2 steps at a time..and sing loudly..and I sang all thru the day..while in car..or climbing stairs..basically every gap of my day was filled with either singing or dancing around..

I had never seen an adult doing all that..so I concluded that this has to be the reason..

But even now sometimes I find myself doing the same..singing..almost dancing (even when no one is looking)..so I am a little confused..do I call myself an adult yet..or No?

8 (Not always)

I have been tagged by Shruti and seemed like an interesting tag. Though I feel 8 is either too big or too small a number for some of the sections :) So I have been lenient enough to add as many points as I felt or could

8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
- Reality shows on music and dance, with all the spices added :)
- F.R.I.E.N.D.S
- Radha ki betiyan kuch kar dikhayengi (This show is over now but any show which shows 3 sisters from small town is close to heart. This show is by the same people who had made "banagei apni baat" 16 years ago on Zee and it was a favorite then. All 3 of us, along with Ma ,used to sit and wait for it. And Ma used to reminisce about it when we all left our home town )
- Shows on glamor and glitterati, showbiz

Though I watch TV a lot, cant seem to recall anymore which I can list as my fav.SORRY :)

8 Favorite Places to Eat:
- Cosmo village(which has renovated so many times and the name has changed a lot, but some old memories attached)
- Infinitea - Dont go there anymore...but was my hang out almost every day a few years back
- Home
- 100 feet
- Mainland China
..That's it!

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
- Started house hunting with vigor and focus.Saw some promising ones
- Fought with Ma :(
- Finally took my finances in hand.Sent some mails, made some long pending calls..
- Had a diet day, with just fruits and boiled veggies :)
- Went to sister's place and had tea with family..parents here too
- Made up with Ma and laughed at some funny things which Papa does
- Got a new hand bag from Singapore..gifted by my brother in law :)))
- Finally decided to take digital TV connection and gave them a confirmation

8 Things I Look Forward To:
- All of a sudden buying a house and shifting in it has become priority..something which Ma kept asking me to do and I kept avoiding
- Finishing the 2 books I started simultaneously
- A colleague's marriage
- My elder sister's 2nd kid
- My younger sister's 1st kid
- My father's next passion
- My niece's next adventure
- Thats it..cant think of 8th one


8 Things I Love About Winter:
-I just love winter..reminds me of all the cricket matches played by my father, uncles in our huge house where I stayed as a kid
- My birthday is in winter
- The nip in the air
- Smell of bhuttas getting baked..
- Fashionable sweaters
- Festivity around November..December
- Sitting around bonfire
- Someone or the other getting married

8 Things on my Wish List:
- Health and happiness for me and my dear ones
- Being able to drive around Bangalore
- A red dress..which compliments my figure :)
- Going to Venice
- Get rid of my eye bags
--That's it

8 Things I’m Passionate About:
- Dancing
- Reading
- Writing..whenever I can
- Watching movies
- Shopping (wish someone else could fulfill this passion of mine)
- Clothes
- Net surfing
- Keeping my house clean

8 Words or Phrases I Use Often:
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah yeah yeah
- Shit
- Nonsense
- Why?
- How come?
- I know!
- You bet!

8 Things I Have Learned From My Past:
- Assess yourself before assessing others
- Speak your mind, but think also
- Be sweet to people who are sweet to you, don't take them for granted
- Don't be too honest with people and let yourself out in the open for others to judge
- And if they do, make sure you tell them that you care 2 hoots
- Be yourself, cause in the long run that's how you end up being
- Shit happens, but I have developed this uncanny attitude to deal with it..don't know if its for good or for bad
- Laugh, its curative

8 Places I Would Love to Go or See or Visit:
- Europe
- Kerela
- Coorg
- Egypt
- Singapore
- South Africa
...That's it

8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
- Have guts and the right situation to tell someone that I really really admire him :)
- Get enough courage and money to buy a house
- Facial
- Get rid of that horrible shade on my toe nails
- Sleep
- Make even with someone
- Force my parents to stay with me some more
- Get rid of my eye bags (YES ITS IMPORTANT)