The "absolute happiness"

I am in Hyderabad these days...almost completely alone, inside my room. Loneliness seems to have become a part of me, so ingrained that sometimes I don't even want to come out of it.

And this makes me think if happiness changes its face over course of time and finally happiness and sadness become one...?!I feel what makes me happy, makes me sad too..for example thinking of old days..brings a smile..and that very instant a pang grips my heart..

This frivolity of time and space..I wonder if there is anything like "absoulte happiness"?
When I was a kid, I thought growing up would be so much fun and that would make me happy, when I entered youth, I thought maybe that mysterious, inevitable "love" would happen now and make me happy, and when I loved I thought maybe someone else would make me happy...this endless pursuit of happiness and this perrenial question of "what now..what next" torments one always...
Read a lot of things on happiness and finally figured out..source of happiness is within me..and whenevr I want..I can make it come to the surface..its somewhere deep within me...
I just have to go deep down in the recess of my heart and bring that happiness out..I have done that before and I can do that always
My mom worries about me and when will I marry!And I contemplate as to why is it so important to be with someone who is not your own self..your mirror image
I see my sisters and bother married and wonder if they are happy always?Arent there moments in their lives when they are torn by emotions which are better not said and thought?Dont they go through that feeling of despair and loneliness which they can't share with their spouses?

So I think, sometimes I have my lonely days and nights and then my freedom, which maybe my siblings dont have..and also this hope that I will get that "absolute happiness" some day