तुमसे मिली जो जिंदगी..हमने अभी बोई नहीं

This life that I got from you
I have not yet sown it..


I read a lot of blogs, its like an addiction. Mostly the dark ones, which talk of love..unrequited love, love shared and lost, love losing its sheen
But this is not about those blogs, but is about the strange disconnect I feel when I read such blogs.Where people talk about that one bright star, that one person they loved and lost..its this disconnect which attracts me to such blogs I guess

And I am left thinking about myself.
When I close my eyes, there isn't that ONE face which comes to my mind, there is no one love which torments me day and night
Why isn't there a name which whispers in my ears..sweet nothings?
I feel little belittled, I feel envious of those people who have that fire in their hearts to love someone

And I feel the burden of not having loved enough to have a hole in the heart which does not heal...
Am I stoic? Hard heart-ed? Frivolous?

I have never had an intense longing in my heart for someone for a long time...
When I had, it was as intense as intense can be, but when I lost it..I never looked back

But I have loved, I have loved as love is meant to be..with every atom of my being
In each of you whom I love, I have loved myself even more fiercely
You, the ones I loved, are the testimony of all my notions of love

Maybe I have loved those frozen moments
And longed for those moments to keep appearing in my life, in succession like a chain of beginnings, with the same person, again and again

But beginnings end, and end happens

Sometimes I feel I could replace all my days and night, for that edgy heady feeling, which never lasts

But yes I have loved you, you who pulled me away from my mundane life..

You are that flicker of romance, I saw on beaches
And always imagined and wished for
And you fulfilled my prophecy
Of living a romance, as wild as ours

And you, who lifted me up and I was always aware of the lurking desire in you to pull me down
You were the deepest and darkest of my nightmares
you are all that torments me
you are all that takes it away

You, who was always telling me what I was,who tried deciphering me like an ancient scripture, things I never saw in myself, you saw
In you I saw the mystery that's me
A glimpse of it, scared I was
but I loved myself even more

I remember you too, for those small bouts of mirth and days laden with sweet talks

I can smell wine, when I see you from afar
The beauty of alcohol and inebriation
Is what you bring back to me

You were the one with whom I could drop my head and say, I dont want to be strong anymore
all that the world gives me
I offload it to you..you take away all of it
And I can see my pain dissipating in the air..
As my words fill you..and your lips touch mine


How could I forget you, who remembers me as his own ?

You were that painter who drew me in details
From arch of my heels to the mole on my finger
Sometimes I believe I existed more in your sketch and detailing of me
Than outside of it

Yes, I have loved

I have not loved to fill in the blanks of my life
I have loved cos you deserved it, and so did I

I too have lost myself for a while, broken and battered
I too have gone around the circles, but eventually I have found my center, within me

But how could I let any of you break me,
When I loved you with the very spirit thats me?
This spirit in me, which existed before you happened
And continues to live inside me?

I wonder if there is too much of life in my veins,
An overpowering tide
Which crushes and surpasses all of you and me too

Love is a curse, only if you let it be

I wake up with a wish to see new places, to read great books,
watch good movies and party hard

I tried being melancholic, to ascertain that I have been hurt and wronged
That I have loved and lost,
Thinking all these are the sure shot signs of being an elegant woman

But one Friday night and hopes of a rocking weekend takes its toll
And I am again wanting to be a part of the world

I am the world

I have been happy, very happy
I have been sad, very sad
Its time to live the moderates now

And the phoenix resurrects

सारा दिन गजलें पिरोना , रात भर आवारगी
फट गया दामन तो क्या है, सादा दिल है सादगी
ना दिलासा चाहा दिल ने , ना वफादारी का सिलसिला

The whole day I weave romance
The whole night I roam around like vagabond
My heart neither wants sympathy, nor a series of faithfulness