Thats how some people get a kick in their otherwise mundane life.
There is this person in my office, I can not disclose the whole identity of that person since he has found my blog too. But lets just say, he is someone whose opinion and whims can affect me.
And it did finally.
He was tad over-friendly initially, which I first thought as a trait in some people, and ignored.
Then he started calling me for some mentoring sessions , and we would have these 2 hours session, where 1.45 hours would be all inane stuff. As to how his married life sucks, how his extra curricular activities make him different from the rest, how he has brought up his kids marvelously, how he is such an outdoor person but wife is an indoor person and they always have conflict because of that, and how his neighbor is such a competition for him since he cares so much for his own wife that there is always the comparison.And how in the end he and his wife "kiss and make up". Those are his exact words, which made me uncomfortable too.
But I refused to believe that all this saga is cos I am a woman and he wants to spend some time with me.
I even fought with my then fiance, for insinuating any such thing.
Then he started messaging me on office IM, which grew creepy with time.
Well, he had me googled, and unfortunately google shows a lot of information about me.
So he first IMs me about my grand father (which one of my online profile states in full detail), feigns the fact that he knows he is my grand father, asks me if I could get books by him if I go to my home town. Also mentions he is such a big fan of my grand father (well he never mentioned that he knew he is my grand father)
At this very moment I knew he has his data on me.
Then came the story about my secret talent as a dancer, that he has his sources and he knows that about me.
What was he thinking..I am a dud?
But since the hierarchy is such, I played along and feigned surprise.
And finally he called me to a room and told me that he knows I have a gift of writing. It was getting nauseating for me and I wanted to punch his face, but kept smiling and tolerating.
What I dint anticipate was that announcement of my marriage would change things drastically.
The day I announced, his whole persona took a 180 degree shift.
He refused my leaves, asked me to work till a day before marriage. Which obviously I could not.
When I came back from wedding, he did not bother to even congratulate me. Just called me for a meeting and told me that I would have to go on "Loss of Pay" for all the days I did not come to work, while I was away for my oen wedding.
And if you know me, you know that my temper and intolerance for injustice comes in my way always. So did it this time. I had a massive show down with him, in front of another colleague (who was clueless as to why all the bickering) and I walked out of the meeting
I was aghast at how a married man(15 years of marriage) could hope to have anything with me. What did he think? That I have avoided marriage for so log, to have an extra marital affair with a person whose face resembles a buffalo? What was his game? He manages to be married with a sane woman who is taking care of his house, he should thank his stars for that. Not raise his bars any further.
Finally I decided its in my best interest to resign, since anyways I would be moving out of this city soon.
And now I am jobless in 13 years, not knowing what to do with all the time I have in hand.
Little depressed, little out of sorts.
My blog my solace.
But I am sure, I will finally find my groove
There is this person in my office, I can not disclose the whole identity of that person since he has found my blog too. But lets just say, he is someone whose opinion and whims can affect me.
And it did finally.
He was tad over-friendly initially, which I first thought as a trait in some people, and ignored.
Then he started calling me for some mentoring sessions , and we would have these 2 hours session, where 1.45 hours would be all inane stuff. As to how his married life sucks, how his extra curricular activities make him different from the rest, how he has brought up his kids marvelously, how he is such an outdoor person but wife is an indoor person and they always have conflict because of that, and how his neighbor is such a competition for him since he cares so much for his own wife that there is always the comparison.And how in the end he and his wife "kiss and make up". Those are his exact words, which made me uncomfortable too.
But I refused to believe that all this saga is cos I am a woman and he wants to spend some time with me.
I even fought with my then fiance, for insinuating any such thing.
Then he started messaging me on office IM, which grew creepy with time.
Well, he had me googled, and unfortunately google shows a lot of information about me.
So he first IMs me about my grand father (which one of my online profile states in full detail), feigns the fact that he knows he is my grand father, asks me if I could get books by him if I go to my home town. Also mentions he is such a big fan of my grand father (well he never mentioned that he knew he is my grand father)
At this very moment I knew he has his data on me.
Then came the story about my secret talent as a dancer, that he has his sources and he knows that about me.
What was he thinking..I am a dud?
But since the hierarchy is such, I played along and feigned surprise.
And finally he called me to a room and told me that he knows I have a gift of writing. It was getting nauseating for me and I wanted to punch his face, but kept smiling and tolerating.
What I dint anticipate was that announcement of my marriage would change things drastically.
The day I announced, his whole persona took a 180 degree shift.
He refused my leaves, asked me to work till a day before marriage. Which obviously I could not.
When I came back from wedding, he did not bother to even congratulate me. Just called me for a meeting and told me that I would have to go on "Loss of Pay" for all the days I did not come to work, while I was away for my oen wedding.
And if you know me, you know that my temper and intolerance for injustice comes in my way always. So did it this time. I had a massive show down with him, in front of another colleague (who was clueless as to why all the bickering) and I walked out of the meeting
I was aghast at how a married man(15 years of marriage) could hope to have anything with me. What did he think? That I have avoided marriage for so log, to have an extra marital affair with a person whose face resembles a buffalo? What was his game? He manages to be married with a sane woman who is taking care of his house, he should thank his stars for that. Not raise his bars any further.
Finally I decided its in my best interest to resign, since anyways I would be moving out of this city soon.
And now I am jobless in 13 years, not knowing what to do with all the time I have in hand.
Little depressed, little out of sorts.
My blog my solace.
But I am sure, I will finally find my groove
8 comments:
Raaji - Thanks :) I did tell the HR and she asked if I wanted to log a complain, but I thought anyways I would be going so dint want to take much trouble. Also, I did not save my IM messages as a proof
Well, this is a terrible thing to happen! But, there are all kinds of people in this world. I'm sure you'll get a better job and better people to work with.
And, in the meantime, you can do all those things that you always wanted to do, but couldn't because of being too busy with your job.
Wish you the very best.
Sample Bashir Badr:
Yuhin besabab na phira karo, koi shaam ghar bhi raha karo/
Wo ghazal ki sachchi kitaab hai, usey chupke-chupke padha karo.
Syed - You are right..thats what my plans are..right now just lying low
nice sher
I don't know whether or not I should be saying anything to ease your turmoil because somehow I'm also guilty of the same kind of behaviour at my workplace, although I'm not married! Honestly, I'm yet to figure out how the world differentiates between a married man and a bachelor. Being a bachelor, all I can say is that it's a struggle, a very tough and real struggle not to lose the mind completely and at the same time, remain a man till marriage.
For you, all I can say is that you should have never tolerated any untowardly advances in the first place. A majority of guys only understand things when avoided ruthlessly. Being kind to a fellow human doesn't give anybody the license to exploit.
And please do make sure to remove your personal data from Google. Someday you might get into a big, big trouble.
Anyway, good luck to you for your job search... Hope you get the job you deserve after all these years of experience.
Sayantan - Its easy to say "you should not have tolerated it in first place", but only those you have not been in those shoes can say that. Cos there is a thin line between exploitation and friendly talks. And at work place noone wants a funny scene, unless things go out of hand. Plus given his place in hierarchy, I would not have done anything unless he took it to another level. If it were any other colleague I would have asked him to buzz off in the first go.
My data on google will remain cos my father has forgotten all details of the website from where he created it.
And I did speak about this with another colleague and he said there are 2 other females who complained of similar behavior from him, but never took it to HR, since the job scene right now isnt good.
Also the fact that he is married and we all know that he would hesitate in making further advances himself, so we let it go
Anyways, now he knows..and am sure he is reading this too.
Yes, office hierarchy often prevents female staff from opening up. Plus we also don't want any scene in office, as you said.
But on a second thought, don't we, as adult individuals, know it all too well what we're up to? It's all about owning someone dear - "someone who'll only be mine and only mine" is the thought process that works behind all these things. Maybe that guy is not entirely happy with his marriage, maybe he always had an eye on beautiful women and was waiting for the right time and person to make his moves. Once he found you to be the most vulnerable to influence, he didn't think twice to take it to the next level. Or maybe his position of power got the better of him. There could be plenty of conjectures.
Regarding your personal data on the Internet, why don't you write to all the portals, asking them to remove it? Say for example, some data is there on www.abc.com. Then you can request the site help center to remove the data. This might work out because each portal collects personal info such as login details.
Sayantan - Refrain from talking about things when you have not been in a smilar situation
Who the hell gives you any idea that I was most vulnerable??
And I dont wish to have your analysis and your inputs on this matter, since you yourself do such things, as admitted by you
Sorry if I sound rude, but I have had enough of this drama and someone who does not seem to have the sensitivity of this issue can not give me any further advice
whose face resembles a buffalo! hahahhahaa... i am sure he has seen this post too.. :D
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