Connections of affection

Sometimes a joke is lost when told to some people who dont get it!
And sometimes narrating anything close to heart is wasted, when done with undeserving ones

Yesterday I was telling something funny , which my niece said a few days back, to a friend and her reaction was so sublime, that I realised I cant expect others to feel for things the way I feel.
It irritated me that I wasted it on someone who could not relate to it.

I know I cant make such people see something funny in any incident, which only few like me would realise...
Its such a disappointment at those times and in those moments I feel friendless and lonely..cos I cant be a friend if you dont get me!
I feel uprooted..I dont know how to explain it

And in such moments I miss you..

I remember how I used to tell you smallest possible things about my niece, and how you used to come up with new names for her..
"Two quarters" for "Addu" (As in aadha or half)..still makes me smile

And in one such instance you said "You knwo what R, I dont know if your niece is all this cute or not, but I love the way you enact her..am sure you are cuter than her"

I used to brush you off with a smile and say "you are being stupid..she is so much cuter"..But I knew in my heart that this was one of the ways which made me feel connected to you
You used to get me as noone else ever did!

You made me feel I can have roots too..and stand on a firm ground, which can shatter only in my mind

And so many times I would call her by your name, and you by her..

Affection sure has many ways of showing itself

Heart is a lonely hunter

To know what loneliness does to you
You need to take your heart out of your body
To see
Where it has scraped off from
Where it has become pulpy and giving way
Where it has hardened
And where it is learning new ways
To feel
If it has gone hollow in some corners, filled by darkness
And if it has parts, which still beats in the old familiar way
To know
If it has any colours, or has it become sepia-toned?
Just like your days...

You will find yourself wondering..
What will your heart take
To become whole again
To become like that of a sixteen year old
Who never realised heart is such a vulnerable thing
Who, revelled in the rare moments of solitude
And wished to be lonely forever!

I like to play it by the rules of mediocrity
...As admiration goes to my head!

6th Dec

Birthdays are meant to be special
If not for anyone, then just for you

And even if its not perfect, we can always recount the good things that happened:
   

Compliments(I thrive on them)

Midnight cake cutting(though I was my crankiest best that time)

Pretty clothes and accesories gifted

Nice dinner at a nice place(though some goof up happened here as we went to a place where I really wanted to go but they dint allow my sweetheart since he is a little young for such places :) )

An email from a long-forgotten someone, which brought a smile to the lips, but nothing to the heart

This number 6 is close to my heart
And I will hold it dear to me
Till the fizz lasts

Moving back in time

Udate pairon ke tale jab behti hai jameen
Mud ke hamne koi manjil dekhi hi nahin..

She finds coming back to any erstwhile trodden path very difficult
Its difficult to move bakwards, isnt it?

If her bus drops her at a stop before her destination, she does not mind walking a distance of a kilometer to reach her place.
But if the bus drops at a stop, which is after her destination, walking a distance of 100 meters back to the place she meant to go, seems like a herculean task

How can you come back to something which you left?

Anything cant be re-lived or re-born..whats gone is gone..

She believes that you can not fall in love again, if the love disappears even once..
And you can not be friends with someone who has done something to make you question friendship

Life can not be lived in retrospection!

My close ones say I am short tempered.
But I say, isn't the whole world short tempered?

I mean, temper is supposed to be short, isnt it?
How can there be a long-temper?

But WOW..how I conceal it at work! Am god-damn good at it!

Just the other day someone told me "You can be a good people's person as you seem to be cool, relaxed and tension-free all the time. You can manage different kinds of people, cos of your calmness"

It made me so smug (I think we feel smug only when someone points something about us which is just not true, or is our weak point :)).

And I had this funny feeling that the world in general does not have an iota of idea of who you actually are!

Poor fat people

I dont know why sometimes people tend to glorify everything which is less than the best!

It enrages me at times and at times just makes me sad to think everything good or better than others is sometimes doomed and the mediocrity takes supremacy
Just cos you have earned more in life and are able to lead a better life than others, makes you a worse person?
Just cos you can wear pretty clothes and carry yourself well, makes you inferior to uglier women?

Just cos you are slim and you covet it, makes you vain and less human than the fatter versions, who dont care about their bodies(actually they do, but its easier to not care, so they make it sound interesting)

I hate it when people say :- "I live so I eat without thinking!"
And thats what they call living? Eating and becoming obese?

And am sure they would die to have a svelte figure, but just cos they cant or they dont have the resolve, they tend to ridicule people who are so

If I am blessed with a slimness which is coveted by many, and if I like it much to take care of it..does it make me a pompous or brainless person?
If I cut down on junk and oil, and prefer healthier food, I think I am doing a more intelligent thing than you, who is gorging on cheese pizza!

And then, there are people who relate love and compassion to poverty.
Its like this - if you are poor, you have the copyright on love.
The more affluent people have no clue of what love is, supposedly!
Its ridiculous the way people combine 2 totally unrelated things into one

Well, I am not so poor and I am not at all fat.

But I know how much I can love, and I thank heavens for not making me fat(I guess this is genetic so I got to thank God for this) so that I respect better things in life and try to adhere to healthy diet which will help me in the long run

So the next time someone sneers at me eating sprouts and avoiding sugar, I am gonna turn back and tell them "I am better off being not as fat and ugly as you"

And if I read something which talks of how only poor can love or how rich dont lead their lives as they want to, I can tell them that their poor love is as poor as a rich's love (Please dont mistake me for a rich person. I just hate such notions thats all)

I know for a fact that they will give anything to be in the shoes of slim/rich people

And yes, I CAN be such a bitch at times, if the situation demands!