A weird dream

Yesterday I had a dream which left me wondering.
I get into these phases of dreaming a lot, and then blank nights.
So right now, its a lot of dreams every alternate days.

And the craziest part is, I remember its detail long after.

I dreamt that I had gone to some exotic location. It was India, but looked like out of the world.
I dont know who I was with though, it was a male for sure.
A friend, a brother, a lover...identity of that person isnt something I grasped even in my dream

We are near a huge water bed, its a river with strong currents, not sea but river.
And afar I see a beautiful caravan on a boat. Its something I have never seen before. Lights, music, and I hear laughter and gaiety of people on that boat. Mind you, its a boat and not a ship. With an architecture not common for a boat, its a sight to behold.

I see it moving down with the current towards us, its still far.
 Its full of some hidden happiness, a forgotten possibility and I so long to be in it, at that very moment.
But its still very very far and I wait.
Suddenly I see that the boat is right in front of me, in my reach and I just have to take one small step to be inside.
My partner, whoever he is besides me, asks me to take a leap and be a part of the whole charismatic show. I am all set but suddenly I recall that someone had told me long back that this river has mirages. You see something in front of you which is not there. So don't get fooled and indulge in it.

I tell the same to my friend, but he says its all a myth and boat is right there and we should go in. I turn back to jump into it, and the boat which was closer, suddenly loses its color, from dark brown to pink and then to ashes and smoke and its gone as if it was never there.

I stand crestfallen yet thanking God that I waited for that one moment, when the reality dawned. I shudder at the thought of my plight, had I fallen into the traps of the beautiful mirage in front of me and washed away by the torrents. There is a deep sense of loss and disappointment in me, yet a brooding calm that I was saved.

Yet the beautiful real boat afar is still there and coming towards me, so I still have the flickering hope that someday I might get in.

And I wake up with an after-taste of this dream, mind clogged with various interpretations.

You don't fear being your worst in front of someone with whom you can be your best too.
Someone, who has seen the best in you, makes you comfortable to show your worst, without worrying about the pitfalls and dynamics of the relationship.

There are only 2 aspects of being your worst in a relationship : Either you are too assured of its strong base, or you really dont care about it, since its not giving you anything.

The journey begins again

Why do people stop blogging? The ones who loved doing it once.

I fail to answer, as I am one of them.

And to top it, I think of it everyday. I scribble things and then read it and find it trash and never get to publish. Its like my writing has not ripened enough to be shown to the world.

What stops the flow of eccentric enthusiasm which brimmed earlier? Is it that you have become stale and can not conjure enough novelty? Or is it because you are bored of it? Or is it because you are not sad and yearning for something, which stops you from being dramatic in your writing? Or that you are too busy (most lame excuse, noone is ever too busy to do something they love)? Or is it cos you are too happy in your world that the blog world does not hold any meaning to you anymore?

I dont think its any of that! I think its more of the inertia of things which gets to you, once you get into the motion of not writing. But you keep thinking, I will get back to it with a bang.

I have things to say, share, create. I have too many drafts to publish.

So I have made a pledge, I will write at least once a week. Be it a line, or share a song, or any bullshit.

But I wont stop it to get into that inertia.

My blog has been my shiniest spot in life for over 7 years now, and I can not let go of that.

Not for anything new in life, not for any sorrow or for any joy.

So I hope someone is still looking at this corner of mine, someone is still interested in hearing what I have to say.

And say I will, about me, about things around me.

The journey begins again...

I used to have a music in my heart
A lingering sensation of sweet melodies

I used to have a spring in my feet
Dancing to that lingering music in my heart

This new year I wish, that music comes back to me
In new colours, and new hues
With new possibilities and new avenues

And I can see a glimpse of..
..my lost beauty, in many different ways,
This new year..

Dum Malang Malang..Dhoom

Now that Dhoom 3 is slated to release tomorrow, on its eve I, I wanted to share these bits and pieces of thoughts I have been having, ever since I heard Aamir is playing the new "thief" in this sequel.

I can not help but compare him with Hrithik in last Dhoom (2).
Hrithik, in-spite of his striking good looks, never struck a chord with me, till Dhoom 2 happened..
But when I saw him in this movie, in his glorious avatar, I felt he could generate a spark even in dead water.

He was utterly, purely,unadulterated magnificence personified.
Be it his attitude, or enigma or Greek-god looks, or perfectly sculpted body or the finest and the best..his dance.

Aamir in comparison to all the aspects mentioned above, is a damp squib. He looks like this goody goody guy, or a kid, acting all angry and menacing.
Thats my take, which is surprising, considering the euphoria he created in me when he first came on screen many many years back. You can read more on that here:
http://memoriesofaworldelsewhere.blogspot.in/2010/01/aamir-khan.html

This new kid on the block had managed to block all mys senses back then.
Earlier I would have thought Aamir could do any role and get away with it, but now I am a more objective person and more discerning.

Well here are a few pics of both of them (in the same role in different Dhoom versions) for you to have a dekko, and decide..

Hrithik

Aamir

On another note, I really really wish Aamir does great in this movie, simply cos of the sheer hard work, dedication, heart he puts in every bit of his work. Specially this one, as it has been much more demanding for him to play this, what with a lot of acrobats involved in his dances.

I love the way the song goes Dum Malang Malang...

Why Big Boss?

I dont know why I become so hyper at times seeing some shitty reality show!!
I know I sound loony even to myself, but for some reason I get too passionate and obsessed about some people I hate/like in a show like Big Boss.(similar to Big Brother)

I have noticed this has been happening with me since last 3 seasons, basically last 3 years.
Though in the last Big Boss, I was not crusading for anyone specific but I had a few pet hates. I could not stand hypocrisy of some.

In the last to last season, I really rooted and voted many a times for Mehak and I hated Juhi Parmar for ganging up with the likes of Aakash deep and Pooja Bedi, complete brainless,  loud jerks.
My cousin (who used to watch it with me in that season) and I, would usually stand for the same people and share our exasperation with one and all, even though others could not comprehend our madness for T.V actors.

And this season I , with all my heart hate Armaan and that shitty, joke of a woman Tanisha, who has no self respect. She swoons over a jaded, bad-mouthed, MCP like Armaan as if she is some 18 year old nubile nymphet.

So when today,  nomination for eviction was announced, these 2 along with other 2(Andy and Sangram, who sided with them for votes, in-spite of both of then having major fights with Armaan earlier, as Armaan is one abusive person who does not leave anyone) were fool-proofed, I have been feeling a palpitation for who would be eliminated this week.

I wish not my favorite Gauhar. It would be sad to see the only one who maintained her dignity, to leave the show to a bunch of bullies and doormats.

But I am more bothered about my deep association with these characters, than the characters themselves.
I have no idea why such a reality show should inflict anything on me.

Gradually I have come to understand only one thing for such a grave obsession , that all my anger from people, from my life, from injustice I have seen or borne, from conniving treachery others close to me have been subjected to..all of it comes alive when I see a show like this, with real people and real situations.

I know its stupid and irrational, but when was I rational?

Inane, wierd, random

Do you recall moments of your life which you never thought you would ever think about in anyway? The most passé ones?

I have this gift.
No I should not say gift, a weird way of remembering most inconsequential moments of my life, like a spark in my brain

As if all my memories are wrapped in small bundles of nerves, and anytime, for any reason, some bundle unravels itself, filling me with snapshot of a certain time of my life
But let me clarify, they are the most innocuous moments of my life, yet I cant put a finger on the reason behind it's shooting across my brain

One such thing is a day in my life, when I was in the US first time, 8 years back

I was in a mall with a girlfriend, we ordered some Thai take away and then sat in the balcony of the small restaurant eating and chatting away...

And till date when I want to recreate a romantic moment with someone who had been special, just in my mind..that balcony comes back to me in weird ways..
Me leaning on the balcony with a glass of wine, me sitting on a chair in that same balcony
I mean its something I never thought would stay in my mind in anyways..yet it did..and it does

And I wonder why?
Maybe something gained..or lost...in those moments
Something which can not be repeatable..unique..random

Just like Love..the abandon and the gross innocence

You go on gaining age, wisdom, wealth, health in your life..but love does not come easy..
That feeling..that youthful oblivion..never again
That feeling... that someone sees something in you, bright and shiny..unique, un-repeatable

I want to be un-stitched, broken, pained
Wish someone could open me up, in the most painful way
And my beauty would come out again
And I would love again