This feeling right now

Today for some reason I was reminded of those days
When I used to get drunk a little beyond control
And then message people whom I should not have..
Then regret it big time the next day

But then it had some charm..a delicious nagging feeling
Of doing something which I always wanted to do..but never dared to do it in my senses
Of feeling vulnerable and open to hurt and wound
Of drama and disaster..of life and listlessness

And all this leaving an exiquisite dull ache in my heart...

Of jasmine and lavender and a musk smell..which hung to my palms