In the mind of a married man

We all know men like to hunt and women like to nest.

But then, how long can one hunt..isnt their a time to nest and rest?
Maybe not for men (and no man is an exception here, even if some men dont do it outright, each one of them strays in their minds..and women have to just deal with it)

The ones who marry young, are worse than the ones who marry late
Thats cos these men have not had their share of women in their lives (its very important for them to have more than one woman in their lifetime), and they feel caged and suffocated, once the tag of "married" is stuck on them

They look at the easiest and the meekest possible reason to stray

The trigger for such thoughts today is this married friend of mine, whom I re-connected after a gap of 10 years and have broken the connection once again

Its strange to think that this guy was someone I had a small "something" with..
Well it wasnt much. He was my junior in college, and we hit it off really well.

There was always this under-current of attraction in our friendship..the long distance calls and the late night talks et al.
He used to say things I could have grabbed and built on it..but I have always been this non-committal sort..there is always this "fear of finality" in my mind

He was a smooth talker, and I enjoyed talking to him.But when he actually came close to proposing me,I retracted.I denied that I felt anything more than friendship, though those days I thought of nothing but him.

And now when I think back, it must have been pre-monition of some sort
In the heart of my heart I must have known that this is not what will work for me, though at that time I really went thru a phase of immense longing for something I could have had, but chose not to

So after 10 years, I looked him up on FB and in the very 1st go found the right person by his name.(But trust me on this, that all my earlier feelings were totally non-existent).
He was married and so much in love(thats what he boasted of)

We started messaging and chatting and since both of us were in the US at that time, he asked for my number and we spoke a couple of times

But then the tone of the calls started getting more than friendly , and as much as I tried to avoid his flirtatious comments, they kept flowing

"I was reminded of you when I saw Genelia in 'Jaane tu ya jaane na'..her eyes and her smile"
- "Yeah many told me this" (Phew!! avoided this!)
"Do you recall that train journey we had together, do you remember those songs we sung?"
- "Yeah..so tell me how you met A(his wife)" - (Come on..stop this playing around with me..I thought I knew you better..please dont make me lose respect in you)
All this while he was all the time harping about how his wife is so precious to him.

I think men think of us women as fools, who would be impressed by the fact that you love your wife, at the same time would fall for all these compliments you shower on us. I could have very easily snapped the conversation and given this person a piece of my mind, had it not been for the past connection. Your past and youth has such an effect on you.

So While we were on this chatting-flirting-avoiding business, I noticed for a period of 2-3 days that he was no longer available on chat. It struck as little weird to me , as I used to see him online daily.So sent him a mail asking if something is wrong. And his reply was a total shock to me -
               - "I blocked you on chat since I realised my wife has my Gmail password. If she gets to see our chat she will not like it. I cant afford to lose her"
               - I sat stunned for sometime after reading this. So while you were writing me all that,you were fully aware of what you were doing..right?? You knew you could fool anyone with this lame explanation that this is just "friendly" or "harmless flirting" kind of chat, but in the heart of your heart you knew the truth. And to top it all, there was an added phrase (to make me feel good maybe)
               - -"You know there is this think about you which makes me feel sometimes that you are too dangerous for me..and sometimes I feel this is the most right thing to do..I cant decide"..

Huh!!! Where did such statements come from? I mean, we were friends and even though we were both in the US, I dint even have any intentions of meeting him. Where was this danger thing coming from?

Well, sorry to say such deliciously complimenting statements dont do a thing to me anymore(sadly they used to sometime), those statements bordering on dark love have lost all its charm for me
Now nothing less than sheer genuineness works on me (which is to say that there is no chance of anything working on me cos genuineness is the last thing a man can afford)

Well men, if you think you can have your cake and eat it too..if you think such statement are enough to sail in 2 boats..sorry to disappoint..not with women like me

I am past all that!

I realised that I had made him into this larger than life person, and all the flavors I added to his persona in my mind, all the glamour/romance/fun I attached with him, all the grandeur of his being was my doing (not his).And in one moment all this was shrivelled to a minuscule dot, all the spice was gone.
He could have been this street-side romeo for me now,who leches at every other woman.

And so I decided that our friendship is not his beck and call and removed him from FB telling him not to contact me ever. And it dint feel bad while doing this. Just a feeling of "good riddance"!

Its amazing how some men fall in and our of love, as if its a ride!
How their passion is so flimsy that it just needs marriage and familiarity to disappear in thin air.

And its not like they are madly in love with this other woman. She is someone who captures their fancy for a short while. They will never leave the comfort of their wives, to dive into anything serious. Cos they have to retain the social status as well as have some fun

So tell me boy(I refuse to call such men, men), wasn't she the person you have buzzed around like a bee..this person you have showed-off like a prized possession, eliciting envy from friends and foes..this person you have waited on, cried for, and hoped against hope that she accepts your proposal, when you surprise her one evening with a ring or anything you thought as the best way to woo the best lady in town?

And when this lady graciously accepts it, pinning all her dreams and hopes on you..thinking you are her answer to all the prayers,and makes you her world, she becomes a passe, doesn't she?

She is no longer a thing to covet.

Wasn't your love all so driven by your insecurities rather than her as a person? If not, how could it die?

All those things you would have given up in your life, to make it work with her, become more important to you than loving her and being that one person to her who craves for her like nobody else?

Her beauty, her charm, that twinkle in her eyes, that song in her heart..you take it all away..with your indifference, with your eyes leaving her to stare at other women..women who mean nothing to you..should mean nothing..you start spending more time with them, you start appreciating everything about them
When was the last time you told her "You look beautiful today"?

You like to discuss your favorite song with every other woman you meet, you write your Fb/chat statuses to impress all and sundry, you like to say the flirt-iest of things to any attractive woman..you like to compliment them all..
For what? Just for a brief acknowledgement they throw your way?
Do you ever mature, or would always remain a 5 year old who wants it all?

I would like to tell them to stop for once, to think where this hunting will take them
To savor the pleasure of feeling home with one person , rather than scattering themselves in 100s of women
Each woman is a mystery, each woman is a charm..but whats known once can not be known 100 times..
And if there is one person you feel home with, then getting away from her will take you away from yourself..from everything which you prided..and everything which you felt defined you

But let me tell you this one last thing (If it does help in putting your straight)
We know it all..we know what you want from us..we know where all this is intended to lead to and how it will end
So..dont hold us in any false esteem or hope..as we dont hold you in any!

(Phew! I burnt so much of time and energy, and a part of my heart in writing this humongous post. I must feel very strongly about this!)