Where did I lose my self?

I was reminiscing about how I used to be..this person who was unabashed in following what she felt liked

Dance has been in my veins and that's what makes me feel alive..when everything else is dead around me
I move my hands and feet..and I have this tremendous sense of creating beauty in the world..which invigorates me

But it has been ages since I saw myself on the stage..as I used to, so often, earlier

I have been dancing since I was 7. I was this girl who would align herself last in the line but always brought in the front cos my teachers saw that I was better than others

I recall that when I was some 10-11 years old, we had this annual function in my school and there was supposed to be a dance drama..in English and in Hindi

I, who was otherwise a little shy, reserved person, had gone to any lengths to take part in that

There were some 4 auditions held for that dance drama and I went to all of them, but was a little late for each of them and could not audition. So later I went to the teachers to give me a chance, but each time was turned down cos I had not reached the audition on time..due to some classes or tests

I was not part of the drama in the finals but I remember that I tried my best.

And all this was just to explore my talent as a dancer, not to prove anything to anyone..but just cos I loved being on stage, dancing and wooing the world...I just wanted to be up there..

Where did I lose that energy..that love for myself..that passion ?

Have matters of heart and world taken my core from me?

Now,why is it so much about swollen eyes, aching heart, aching knee..aching soul

Sometimes I say to myself...

Let them all ruin, and let me come alive!