Ma, there are wolves outside

I have always been wary of seeing a group of men laughing and joking around.
It used to scare the shit out of me and I used to freeze in my tracks.

The city I belong to, has a massive image for eve-teasing. And I have borne the brunt of it zillion times

One of the main concerns in my life, as a teenager, used to be : how to move around without a male escort

I remember my morning tussle with Ma, to let go of the male helper, so that he can accompany me till bus stand

Whether I had to go to the college and catch an auto, or go out to be with a friend..
There were always some group of guys out there to beat the shit out of me

It could happen just outside the house, within a few feet's' distance
I had to change my lanes, change the path many a times, just to avoid such encounters

One could be practically molested on the streets in broad daylight. Whether you are in a rickshaw or an auto..you were constantly in danger of being touched, pounced, squeezed, pinched
And not to talk about the verbal assaults one had to bear...one has to really let oneself go dumb, to be able to bear all that

The same followed in my post-grad. I was in a prestigious institute in my state, where there were 8 boys hostels compared to just 2 girls hostels.

We had a time of our lives each day, when we had to cross the boys' hostels, from our girl's hostel, to reach the insti.
we had branded some of the hostel numbers as "THE WORST" ones, and we would force ourselves to go dumb, deaf, stoic...every time we crossed these hostels

We would close our eyes, clutch our books to our bosoms, and hold each other's hands and just speak to each other and say "Dont listen to them, its Ok" and cross these hostels, while the guys would be ready to jump from their terrace, barking like dogs..all sorts of blasphemies..

We had accepted it as a regular thing in our lives. Whether we went to canteen or performed on stage, we just knew that all we would get is whistles, cat calls etc...but that dint stop us from enjoying ourselves

Educated, or un-educated..men have more or less made me feel the same

And right here in Bangalore, while I was coming back from work, my hands full of grocery shopping, it happened
Just outside my house, 20 feet away..2 guys on a bike crossed me and pulled at me

I could not do a thing. My hands were full of bags, and even though I shouted..they just turned around and gave me a hideous smile..

And supposedly I stay in a posh colony, and Bangalore is supposed to be a safe place?

I hope men realise some day what such acts does to us. The helplessness, the sudden burst of tears, the insult and a creepy disgusting feeling which stems from being a woman and not being able to control things!

Even now, seeing a group of guys together... having a laugh, makes me very uneasy..even at this stage of my life

So just a few days back, I had to make a presentation to my team in a conference room.
When I stood outside and looked in, I saw office mates, all laughing and joking amongst themselves, and for a fraction of a second my hands stopped at the door knob and I gasped : "There are guys inside!"

But the very next second I dismissed the thought and told myself "This is office and nothing can happen here", and entered the room.

This just made me realise that our teenage is never over.
All our insecurities we build back then, we carry remnants of it..for life..everywhere