If I love you...

A sudden thought struck me and I had to put it down right away, lest I forget my "Eureka" moment.

It has to do with me and the way I love. Not just a lover but anyone close to me, very few such people though

And I have come to realise this...

The kind of love I have in my heart, is suitable only for kids.
Better put, I am more comfortable showing my love only to kids.

Its Shameless in its abundance

But in the world of grown ups my love feels like a misfit. I have not known to curb my emotions within decency of the world of elders. Where too much is looked down upon and moderation and balance is the rule

In my world of love, its supposed to have no bars..

If in the middle of the road you say something adorable, I might pull you to me and give you a peck on your cheeks. But if this embarrasses you, I will be hurt and will check myself next time when I have this urge

If someone hurts you, I will be the one who will shout at the person even more than you, not bothering of my own equation with that other person, cos you are the one more important to me
My love does not know right & wrong, it will never try to pit you against anyone else less important to me..I will not try to judge if you are in any way wrong..I will just take your side, not cos my love demands it..but cos thats the way I feel about you
But if you bother more about the world and are hesitant in speaking for me, when the time requires it, I will be disillusioned..yet I wont stop from siding up with you, I have not learnt how to balance love with worldliness

If on a breezy rainy day, I feel like having a hot cup of adrak chai with you, You will find me at your door, all drenched cos of walking, as I dint get an auto
Cos I know, the warmth between us will compensate for all the coldness outside
But if you have 100 of other important things to attend to , and you always need to plan your meeting with me, then I will stop myself next time too

Cos no-one comes by my door, un-called and un-invited
na datsak jaroori na aawaj dena,main saanosn ki raftaar se jaan loongi, hawaaon ki khushboo se pehchaan loongi
(You dont need to knock, nor call out my name
I will know by the way you breathe and by the fragrance in the air)

There is a lot of cuddling, pecking and pampering involved in my love-world. Cos how can I not pull your cheeks when you make the sweetest face, how can I not ruffle your hair when you look sad?
My heart is on my sleeve, when I love you, ready to flow into you, ready to burst into stars

My love does not know a thing about anything
Its always drunk on its capacity

And the kids reciprocate it the way it needs to be

Unabashed in its acceptance
The glee, the camaraderie, the smiles, the infectious pecks and hugs..all mine to claim

In the world of elders, the novelty of a relationship gets on to one and all..a new friend, a new man/woman, a new distraction and a new attraction
But for me its the comfort of knowing one another which drives me to the other person, secrets shared and laughter understood
A new friend, a new guy will never bind me the way you can

And its the same with kids..they seek me out in a crowd and our reunion is always the same..and gets better each day..

I will run to them and fight with them as to why they dint call me and tell them "I missed you so much", but I can never say that to a grown up anymore
By this constant need to suppress that, maybe I stop missing, I forget to miss

My heart needs outlets, to whoosh out this tremendous love inside me
In you , you and all of you closest to me, I had found my outlet

But now the doors are closed, and the love streamlined
Not going haywire, abound..but channelized
With properness and margins and rules
Smiles cultivated, words chosen and actions well practiced

No more drunk on itself, but sobered up

Cos my kind of love can only cause catastrophies

So I have my glamorous world with me and kids in it, of love, adulation, dance and fun. And I remain in this world, even when one kid outgrows it and another enters

दिल से तुझको बेदिली है, मुझको है दिल का गुरूर
तू ये माने या न माने, लोग मानेंगें जरूर
ये मेरा दीवानापन है, या मोहब्बत का सुरूर
तू न पहचाने तो है ये, तेरी नजरों का कुसूर

(You are blase towards matters of heart, I take pride in my heart
Whether you accept it or not, people definitely will
Either it is my obsession, or its intoxication of love
If you dont recognize it, its your mistake)

Here is a great rendition by Susheela Raman, of an old favorite song