I feel I am averse to human interaction. I try to minimize human interaction in my life, in strange ways

At work, if someone calls me for coffee, I make excuses not to be with them.
If I am waiting for the lift, and I see more people, I tend to take stairs. I feel suffocated being in that small place with possibility of another human touching me
I avoid calls, from one and all
My boss has told me umpteen times to be cordial, yet I can not be

I feel like having a circle of protection around me, thru which people see me, but can not come near..
Its like I am trying to pave my way thru life's garbage, by sweeping them aside

But as you know, garbage has a tendency to splash itself on you
I get a speck of dirt, and I feel dirty like hell..for the mere fact that I tried protecting myself so much against it

And for a moment I wish to indulge in that dirt, to set it right, to put it in place
But if you know dirt, its not ashamed of itself, it regales in its shamelessness and crassness, and for the mere fact of lack of shame, dirt has the immense possibility of ruining you

And why do I wish to reduce humans in life?
Its cos I feel anyone else is just a mood dampener, some or the other time they will surely do that. But they will not be there to uplift my spirits, its only I and solely I who can do that to myself

So I guess someone is in your life, just for themselves, just for the fact what you bring to them, never for you, never for what you want from them

For me this blog world was that world away from that mess of humans
But gradually it has ceased to be..for it has proven to be means for unwanted interactions by absurd creatures
Its been causing me more anguish than the real world

Maybe its time to stop, and think and rejuvenate

I dont know if I can, since I am addictive by nature

I see women who devote themselves to their marriage, husband and the likes
They are not in love with their husbands, yet they try to keep themselves pure

I see men, who sleep around, not in love with anyone, wife or the other woman, yet try to put the blame on the other woman who thought it was all love

What does it make me feel about men in general..no riddle
I have known the innocence..and now I know the charade
Its enough for me to want nothing more from life, than what it has already laden me with

But then there have been people who have loved me here, who have been with me many a times, should I let them down?

So Let me re-think, let me reorganize, let me resurrect..till then..just help me with it..and let me decide if I wish to share anything to this world, which is a farce...

Sometimes I feel like cradling myself like I cradle my nephew, and rock myself and whisper "its all a nightmare..it will end..you will be in your fairy land again"

And yes, to hell with women's day..once again...again and again