The deciding moment..

How does a heart break?
Like a shooting star or a sheet of glass
Whats the sound of a lonely heart
And whats the colour of madness?
When does it happen
The beginning of an end?

There was this guy I had chanced upon, a guitar player.
I had seen him in one of my sister's programmes where he was giving background guitar strums to her songs
He struck me as an extremely good looking guy, with a sweet smile and a talent to reckon

My sister introduced me to him and we sisters exchanged typical womanly chit-chat on his sweet looks, talent and yes..that he had a girl friend whom he constantly talked with on the phone..even during their rehearsals

One added attraction about the guys was..he was from IIT Bombay..hmmm intelligent too..great going!

Well, so the story ended there, and I dint have much to think about him.

Just that I had this secret imagination of me singing on stage(this has got to be in imagination cos it can never happen in reality, I suppose), I had this image of him playing guitar in the background.
No, there was no romantic inclination involved there but just that this picture of me singing and him playing guitar in the background seemed perfect in my mind

Some time back I got to know he committed suicide. I was dumbstruck!
I asked for reasons, but my sister dint know much, just that he wanted to make it big in music line, in bollywood. He had quit his job I guess to pursue this and stay in Mumbai..but things dint materialise.

It left me brooding on a lot of things.
Firstly, what is it that snaps in mind of people, people like him...well bred, good job, good qualifications, and to top it, good looks too..to get into a mode which makes people end their lives?

I suppose it must be that feeling of the whole world closing into them, no escape ..no escape...going breathless and doing the only thing possible at that moment..which is to end it all
Maybe in those moments of insanity(or the most sane moment?) they would have remembered all their small failures, all the harsh words spoken to them, they must be reminded of those times when every time they saw their own image going down in their own eyes..
That moment...deciding moment of everything that they ever were..

I wondered : Is it just the more brilliant ones who commit suicide? And lesser mortals like us go on with life..compromsing..asuming we get what we deserve and never striving to reach where we cant..and so never feeling let down by anything?
Is it cos we, who survive, are the weaker ones..who lack the strength to get what they want..but think of those who end their lives as weaker ones?

Cos this streak of madness was there in many genius men and women
Guru Dutt, a fabulous film maker, got into an extra marital affair and ended his life
Virginia Woolf - the famous poet who went into some depression, put on her overcoat, filled its pockets with stones, and walked into a river near her home and drowned

And then he, who was wiped off from the face of the earth, as if he never existed..