I am so doing it again!

Calling her 10 times in a day for nothing, feeling zombied, every other minute my thoughts going to her

Ma is leaving tomorrow..

There are things I want to undo, harsh words I want to erase, indifference I want her to forget
And all this, cos I love her to bits and I don't know any other way to show it

But I also know, things will be the same..I will continue to get irritated, and she will continue to be the same...and I have accepted to live with it..I just need to soften my edges and mould them..to not cut her apart..as I do sometimes

Slowly I have come to realize that she is made of stronger stuff than I

I don't know Ma how you can still be so rock solid inside..when I am so scattered
How you continue to hold your views and opinions so doggedly..while mine gets lost in my ever changing moods

I see myself in you sometimes, and you in me
I see those insecurities, which are part of me too and I want to protect you from them
But in order to protect..I hurt!

I have no clue how to put this together, what I feel, those little things..little moments..

Every weekend you would ask me.."where do we go today"..we roamed around the city looking for things for my new place..
Every day you would think of new things to buy for my place..specially for the kitchen (which is your most favorite place and mine least)..
The sweetness with which you suggested how to make my place more beautiful

I felt like I have a doll-house and we are playing a game of decorating it..

I know you will be back soon..but for now I will be getting back to an empty house again!