Let this be a symphony of un-ending sonatas

Its no secret that blogging and reading blogs have become an integral part of my life.
I follow a lot of blogs but there are some I don't, though I read them from time to time.
Thats cos I dont want their boring updates to pop up in my update section often.(Am not trying to say mine are always interesting, but some of those blog updates are just not my kind of posts, to say. Maybe tad juvenile or maybe I am tad old)

But then I have mugged up some of their URLs(Yes I have a good memory and there are some 10 bloggers whose URLs I remember). I visit them when none of my favorite bloggers write anything.
Another reason why I dont follow some blogs is for the surprise factor, I like to go to these blogs after sometime to see what has brewed all this while :)

There is one such blog of a girl which I visit at times. The other day I saw her blog's name in some other blogger's blog-roll and just clicked on it.
After reading a few of her posts I had a feeling that this person isnt giving me the same vibes, in her writing, which I had associated with her in my mind. She sounded very different from the last time I read her.
I instantly looked up to check the URL and it was a different one. So basically names of the 2 blogs were the same but they were blogs from 2 different persons. I heaved a sigh of relief to know that my judgment was not wrong

I also felt smug about it, and at the same time it was a funny thing to realize how we associate to a person, by just reading his/her blog. We form impressions, and each of their posts reaffirm our opinion about that person.
Strange world is this blog world!!
So real yet so out of reach

All this by just reading a person in bits and fragments, as with this girl whose blog I dont even follow but read once in a while.

And I have attached a bit of my sentiments too with all these bloggers I read. All based on what I read

To some I have grown fond of.
For some I feel disheartened, for what they have gone thru and many a times wish that they see hope and love in this life
Some I want to shake out of their misery, want them to end the darkness, want them to live life.But maybe thats how they would like themselves to be, always yearning.. always waiting....Yet its their darkness which pulls me to them, like a feeling of vertigo
Some sound so intelligent that I feel if we could meet and sit across a table with a glass of wine, we will have much to talk and relish about

With some there is a tinge of attraction, an attraction which has a more soild base than what you feel for someone you meet. Cos you are what you really are, right here in your words. In person you could be anything, more suave, less passionate, better or worse looking, but thats the danger of being in person with anyone. Our walls come in between,expressions tamed, demeanor defensive.
But here in your words I see what you really are. Your thought process(which might take me ages to know otherwise in human form), your likes and dislikes...
This is you, away from another you
Here is where you are eager to be yourself, happy to be so
So knowing someone like this has a different high

When I see comments of bloggers, who visit and comment on my blog, on another blogger's post(where I comment)..I dont know why but it fills me with strange warmth, like a mesh of people attached to each other..I like to see that(Barring some)

Its a good world, this blog-world!

But nevertheless, somehow I have this lurking feeling that I would not want to meet any of them, lest it breaks their images in my mind
Images are that fragile a thing, they break for inconsequential things
Though I have some bloggers as friends on FB and after having a peek in their lives, I would say that their personality in blogs is reaffirmed by having that small window of FB in their lives, so no disillusionment there..

Though I dont do year end posts like I said last year, since I dont want to watermark years in my life, yet to mark this day I would like to thank each of you who read me, follow me, comment, read and not comment, follow but are too shy to do it publicly, smile or shed a tear at my posts
This sure is the highpoint of my day, reading and writing on my blog, and each of you whom I have come across here, have made this world very special for me

So let me begin or end another year with this video clip of my sister. Her husband has created this, an amalgam of various shows that she has done.(Many of the clips are taken when she was pregnant, so she might look fat, which in reality she is not. Needed to mention this else she might pounce on me when she sees this here :)).




Loved the last bit in the video where she is singing a composition by Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali khan Sahab(its her own adaptation in terms of tune)
लट उलझी सुलझा जा बालम , हाथ में मेरे मेहंदी लगी है
Beloved, de-tangle my entangled hair , my hands are covered with henna
(I hate this translation of mine, sounds like a shampoo ad. If someone has a better idea,please do tell)

You can also see that tall cute guy playing guitar in the background, who is no more and about whom I had written here

Coming to wishes we are supposed to make for the next 365 days, this sister of mine wants to be a playback singer, someone big. Not being up there might dishearten her, but what she has achieved till now, the acknowledgments and praises she gets, she can not undermine that.

So, all you people busy in making resolutions, I will tell you mine:

Dreaming big is a good thing, but dont expect all your dreams to be fulfilled in one go
Why dont you try modularizing your dreams, i.e. divide the big one into smaller chunks?
And see the happiness which you get when a small chunk of your dream sees the light of the day.
Thats how I do it!

So bring on all catastrophes, all drama..we know how to handle them

Note to myself : This year visit 2 new places and one has to be Pondicherry - my wish for the last 8.5 years in Bangalore. If no one comes along, I go alone

Jodi tor daak shune keyu naa aashe tobey ekla cholo re(If no one comes along when you call out, walk alone)

And a very happy birthday to my brother, December is a month of birthdays in my house. I know he never reads my blog, yet I would like to accumulate wishes for him

You make my days so sweet

When we clap at anything you do, your eyes light up with pride
And every time that happens, I make a tiny wish in my fervent heart that this light never dies..

You are the weekend fun for we 3 women(2 maa-si and one ma), when you are there you occupy us completely

I dont know what the future holds for me or for you
But right now my life is livable cos of you

My doe-eyed Shrehanu..happy happy 2nd birhtday(23rd Dec)

A girl who reads is the girl to date

My sister ( who writes here) posted this link on my FB wall saying this was for me

She was the one who initiated me to blogworld, by writing her first post 8 years back on my niece when she was born(Now I dont know where that blog has gone).
And I had begun by writing a comment on it, thinking all this space is just for family to see and comment

She doe not write often now, maybe cos too much of happiness does not give you incentives to write

We, the frequent bloggers, are the ones to whom beauty of longing belongs, who write cos happiness is too fleeting a thing for us

Ok, so lets come to what that article talks about. Well, it talks about me, without knowing me

Some of the lines, bore my resemblance more than others;

"She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants"

"She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street"

"She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted"

These lines I feel have been taken from my mind, or any of my post :)
"Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.She has to give it a shot somehow."

"Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel"

"Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop",

But this one is not true:
"It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries"

Because for me books are not only about great authors and famous books. They are also about my whims, my drive towards unknown. I would go through random books and pick one by title, or by its picture. Not knowing what it would turn out to be, giving me that edge of uncertainty, the best ingredient in life
So let me have that pleasure, while you buy me a pretty red dress. Am pretty much a books-clothes-accesories girl

This one is so beautiful,makes me believe that such a thing will happen to me:
"You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots."

And here is the best of the best..undoubtedly me
"Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

There are great many books to be read, I have just begun

Zara zara behakta hai

...My body and heart are losing senses, slowly

This song can set me on fire any time
Whenever I hear it, it sounds like my long lost love

I have no idea what the lyricist, music director and singer planned to do with this song, when they created it
I dont know what exactly their vision was...

But they surely succeeded in devastating me..

Whenever I wish to be in that special place of mine, in my cocoon..I plug my ear phones and play this..and let the magic begin

Bombay Jayshree's voice here is like sheet of velvet, gliding down clear water

There was a time I had driven people crazy with this song..
If in a car, I would insist this song be played umpteen times..or in a party I would acquire the role of a DJ and make all listen to just this song, repeatedly

I first heard this when I was in Goa in 2001, this song had just come out I guess

I was with my sis, brother in law and a certain someone..whom I had just gotten to know and attraction was already in the air..sparks were flying

We were all playing cards
I remember being a little inebriated..I remember him siding up with me in the cards game...giving me that special smile intermittently and humming lines from this song..

"यूँ ही बरस बरस काली घटा बरसे, हम यार भीग जाएँ , इस चाहत की बारिश में ..."
I wish the dark clouds keep pouring just like this, and we lovers get drenched, in this downpour of love

He was a good singer

I cant forget how an inane smile was perpetually stuck to my lips, during the whole Goa trip and how this song refused to leave me ever since..

The smile faded and withered..but the song remains..it made me its captive

The other day, someone was playing this song on full blast in my apartment. I walked out of my flat, transfixed, and stood outside my door for a good 5 minutes to soak in this song in the air
No thoughts, no desires...just this song and my blank mind were together

Today while coming to work my auto was stopped in the middle of the road, along with other traffic moving in my direction.

Some workers, who were working on broadening the road we were moving on, stopped us.
Reason - The bulldozer needs to come this way, from the opposite direction and enter this road from wrong side.

Whoa! And this happened right at Vellara Junction which is a prime area, just off MG and brigade road. To top it it was the peak traffic hour when all are moving towards their offices.

I started asking auto guy as to what was happening, since I dont understand Kannad(even after 8.5 years in this city). When he told me, I got furious and stepped out and told them to move away and let the traffic go.
Such work is not to be done during peak hours, plus getting that huge thing from completely wrong direction? Who does that?
Seeing me, the other girl in a car next to my auto started meekly too.

Those workers tried arguing with me for sometime. But since I wasn't relenting(and when I get furious no one can argue with me), they thought its best to tell me that they don't understand Hindi and cant speak to me
Oh, so after conversing with me for sometime in Hindi, they had momentary lapse of Hindi-knowledge?!

But thankfully my auto guy was decent and took over from me in their native language(not for the love of me but auto drivers hate wasting time in traffic and many a times would reject dignity of a red-light too)

So they had to finally stop from stopping us, before their bulldozer can make its grand entry.

But I was left wondering where can such bizarre things happen in this world?
I dont think metros like Delhi, Bombay are tolerant towards such idiosyncrasies.

Bangalore has yet to learn that it is also in the same league!

This post should have been on the 6th evening but these days my nights have been little busy(Not that way people!)

6th Dec - No this was not a post on Babri masjid demolition, but my favorite day and number, my birthday

I know this day is called as "Black Day" by Muslims but I also know its a an unforgettable day for our nation. Thats why I am so unforgettable :)

Winter is my favorite season and December my favorite month. It hoards a lot of memories and beauty in it. And lots of parties.

Few days back at work we had some soft skill session where people had to tell their favorite season and a reason for it. I said winter becos my birthday comes in winter. To that, a girl whom I hardly know remarked "You really love yourself dont you?"
I liked that deduction, but then why would anyone not love oneself?

Surprisingly this was a very fulfilling day. Surprising, cos off late each year this day I used to wake up with a thud in my heart. Maybe cos of this monument I have created in my mind of a life I wish to have and the contrast.And this day would accentuate all of them in a grotesque way

Yet it felt so much better than this one a year back

Maybe cos I have come to terms with myself, and fallen in love with the world and life

Midnight cake cutting was fun(especially cos we had just gotten back from "Dirty Picture" and the mood was OOh lala!).
Gifts gifted and a lot bought by myself. I have a hoard of new clothes now. So have decided this will be a "New outfit each week" month for me

And this sweet seductive saggitarian will sit and await the next 6th Dec..

If I love you...

A sudden thought struck me and I had to put it down right away, lest I forget my "Eureka" moment.

It has to do with me and the way I love. Not just a lover but anyone close to me, very few such people though

And I have come to realise this...

The kind of love I have in my heart, is suitable only for kids.
Better put, I am more comfortable showing my love only to kids.

Its Shameless in its abundance

But in the world of grown ups my love feels like a misfit. I have not known to curb my emotions within decency of the world of elders. Where too much is looked down upon and moderation and balance is the rule

In my world of love, its supposed to have no bars..

If in the middle of the road you say something adorable, I might pull you to me and give you a peck on your cheeks. But if this embarrasses you, I will be hurt and will check myself next time when I have this urge

If someone hurts you, I will be the one who will shout at the person even more than you, not bothering of my own equation with that other person, cos you are the one more important to me
My love does not know right & wrong, it will never try to pit you against anyone else less important to me..I will not try to judge if you are in any way wrong..I will just take your side, not cos my love demands it..but cos thats the way I feel about you
But if you bother more about the world and are hesitant in speaking for me, when the time requires it, I will be disillusioned..yet I wont stop from siding up with you, I have not learnt how to balance love with worldliness

If on a breezy rainy day, I feel like having a hot cup of adrak chai with you, You will find me at your door, all drenched cos of walking, as I dint get an auto
Cos I know, the warmth between us will compensate for all the coldness outside
But if you have 100 of other important things to attend to , and you always need to plan your meeting with me, then I will stop myself next time too

Cos no-one comes by my door, un-called and un-invited
na datsak jaroori na aawaj dena,main saanosn ki raftaar se jaan loongi, hawaaon ki khushboo se pehchaan loongi
(You dont need to knock, nor call out my name
I will know by the way you breathe and by the fragrance in the air)

There is a lot of cuddling, pecking and pampering involved in my love-world. Cos how can I not pull your cheeks when you make the sweetest face, how can I not ruffle your hair when you look sad?
My heart is on my sleeve, when I love you, ready to flow into you, ready to burst into stars

My love does not know a thing about anything
Its always drunk on its capacity

And the kids reciprocate it the way it needs to be

Unabashed in its acceptance
The glee, the camaraderie, the smiles, the infectious pecks and hugs..all mine to claim

In the world of elders, the novelty of a relationship gets on to one and all..a new friend, a new man/woman, a new distraction and a new attraction
But for me its the comfort of knowing one another which drives me to the other person, secrets shared and laughter understood
A new friend, a new guy will never bind me the way you can

And its the same with kids..they seek me out in a crowd and our reunion is always the same..and gets better each day..

I will run to them and fight with them as to why they dint call me and tell them "I missed you so much", but I can never say that to a grown up anymore
By this constant need to suppress that, maybe I stop missing, I forget to miss

My heart needs outlets, to whoosh out this tremendous love inside me
In you , you and all of you closest to me, I had found my outlet

But now the doors are closed, and the love streamlined
Not going haywire, abound..but channelized
With properness and margins and rules
Smiles cultivated, words chosen and actions well practiced

No more drunk on itself, but sobered up

Cos my kind of love can only cause catastrophies

So I have my glamorous world with me and kids in it, of love, adulation, dance and fun. And I remain in this world, even when one kid outgrows it and another enters

दिल से तुझको बेदिली है, मुझको है दिल का गुरूर
तू ये माने या न माने, लोग मानेंगें जरूर
ये मेरा दीवानापन है, या मोहब्बत का सुरूर
तू न पहचाने तो है ये, तेरी नजरों का कुसूर

(You are blase towards matters of heart, I take pride in my heart
Whether you accept it or not, people definitely will
Either it is my obsession, or its intoxication of love
If you dont recognize it, its your mistake)

Here is a great rendition by Susheela Raman, of an old favorite song